An extract from my diary

I feel so peaceful after reading a travelogue about the Himalayas. I'm surrounded by the sound of silence with no sense of urgency, which reinforces this tranquility. These moments of bliss have to be enjoyed with the people you love. I'm enjoying it alone.

I went for a walk in the park in the morning. That was peaceful too. I was the only person there. Nothing to block my view of nature. You see nature in all its pristine glory if you take a walk just after it rains. A rainbow would have completed the spectacle but I didn't even notice its absence when I was drinking in the sights.

I hear birds chirping outside the window now. I have the three windows on the left side of my room open, the door closed, and I'm sitting alone and writing this, undisturbed. Outside, I hear a child talking.

A more creative person or a naturalist will probably appreciate this peace more than I do. I can truly appreciate this to the best of my ability now. I can understand why artists are a breed apart. They get this in a way no one else does. I'm neither happy nor sad, just floating in a spiritual trance. It is a sort of euphoria which you can rarely enjoy, and it is also very fleeting. I love nature.

I write like I am possessed with a writing spirit. Didn't feel like taking the pen off the paper. The words come through in a rush. I don't feel like doing anything now. I'm in a sort of reverie. I don't even feel the need to do anything. I can go on writing.

I have no sense of time nor emotion. It feels like I'm floating in a timeless zone in the middle of nothingness. It is a place devoid of anything, but with no void to fill, no emptiness. It just exists, as do I and the world around me. I didn't have to go into meditation to achieve this. All I had to do was write, and drink in the beauty of nature, staring out of my window.

Right brain users are blessed indeed. They don't need to adhere to any norms. They are able to appreciate life and nature more (and music too) which is a rare gift. A gift which is very hard to cultivate, as I've found out. If it involves doing something, I can surely get it. As it is about art, beauty and nature, it is a little harder to get at. You can only get it if you don't try hard to get it. You have to let go and suspend yourself in a trance. I feel I have had the first glimpse of this boundless joy. These memories shall stay.

I slept really well last night. A deep sleep which lasted for nearly 11 hours. Sleep is pleasant when you don't have to get up early the next day and work. You can really relax and rid your mind of all commitments and stresses generated during the day.

You have to enjoy these days when everything is in your favour. The weather is extremely pleasant, you have all the time in the world, you're in blissful solitude surrounded by silence. These times are sent to us to teach us a lesson- to not take life seriously but to enjoy each passing day. They also make you spiritual. Such moments clear your mind. You're fresher than a blank slate.

There is no future, no past. I'm living in the moment, opening myself to this experience, for who knows, soon it may be no more.

The Real Me

I'm not the kind of guy to wash my dirty linen in public. I didn't want to blog about personal things when I first started blogging. I've been true to that till now, barring a few exceptions. Somehow, recently, there is this inner urge to just let go and express everything in my heart here, in plain sight for all my friends and well-wishers. As I sit in front of the PC and mull things over, this urge is getting stronger. So here I am typing, at 10:55 PM, a night before a day before my University exams (7th sem) start. What follows is going to be totally random, without any unifying theme.

I'm thinking about a blog post by Scott Adams in which he highlights the best defects to have. He says: " I assume other people want me to go away as soon as I show up. It’s probably not always true, but I like to play it safe. A little bit of me goes a long way. That’s why I try to leave before I use up my welcome. It’s a tight window."
Carl: “Hi, Scott."
Me: “Gotta go.”

I'm reminded of this because I feel that way now. I feel I've used up the entire welcome mat, dirtied it, trashed it and torn it into quark sized leptons. It's like, I'm the nerdy guy in the comic strip who desperately tries to win a date with a female who eggs him on to make an utter fool of himself.

I'm also thinking about something I read in a friend's blog: "Before leaving to church one day I decided to ask my friends if they wanted me to pray for anything. All my friends immediately replied asking me to pray for something or the other for them (absolutely nothing wrong with that), all except for one friend. He asked me to pray for everyone’s health and happiness, not just for himself. It really touched my heart that he thought of others and wanted to pray for them. It made me realize that goodness and love can even be spread through our thoughts and prayers."

In Sanskrit, we have a prayer for it. Loka samastha sukino bhavanthu. (All the world's people should be healthy). I'm not quite sure of my translation, but it's something along those lines.

For the past two weeks or so, I've been contemplating love. As i delved into this, I realized a lot of things. I realized that, firstly, I'm not the type of person who attracts love. Reticence isn't an asset for love. Secondly, love is more about responsibility and commitment than a wondrous feeling. I'll not get into the rest here.

I'm also thinking about this: "All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

I've been fascinated by the words 'No man is an island.' That fascination is still strong even though I've mulled over it so many times.

To close this totally random ramblings of a lonely soul, I quote one of my favourite sayings-
"People are often unreasonable,
illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish or ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God
It was never between you and them anyway."

If you've read till here, give yourself a reward. You deserve it.

Of games, and of gamers Part II

Ever since I stopped gaming, I've become quite preachy about gaming. When I used to play, I used to go by the quote "Everything I know in life I learned through playing Ragnarok Online." Now, I'm advising my friends to control their gaming impulses and do something productive instead. Double standards, you may cry, and perhaps you are even justified in saying that. There is a reason for this change. Read on.

This blog post was actually triggered by a RO text file I have on PC, in which I've copy pasted a few lines from some random guy's signature in some forum I visited long ago:

"Those who accuse us for being mindless gamer freaks are nothing but naive human beings. They think they know us, and they judge us, but in reality, they know nothing about our world. They are not aware that we are mathematicians; we compute to manage our financial assets and create the greatest character build throughout the whole Midgard. They are not aware of the flawless hand-eye coordination that we possess and use in order to battle against enemies that lurk around us. They are not aware of the relationships that we bridge, and that we mix trust, honesty, loyalty, and camaraderie (friendship) into it. They are not aware that we are artists and poets who bring creativity to brighten up our own little community. They are not aware that we are tacticians who are the best in developing strategies for wars against our foes. They are not aware that we do live to the fullest, just not in the way they, the society, think we should. We should not let them bring us down. This is a campaign to keep our passion burning despite what others might say! ROK on guys!"

All in all, this is something every gamer can identify and agree with. Here's where I deviate: A virtual world which has all the good aspects of a real world one can expect in a game, is still a virtual world.

If you say your reality (you, me, the Universe) actually exists and is not in itself an illusion- let us not get into that now by the way- then, does it not make more sense for you to enter one world fully (reality) than have a leg each on two different worlds (reality and fantasy).

For the sake of argument, let us assume that we cannot explore either world to our heart's desire in this life. So, choosing between a game and reality is akin to choosing between a 10% progress bar in two games and a 25% progress bar in one. This one game has to be played whether you want to or not, it is the game called life. So why not stick to just one reality than fragment your time with multiple worlds.

I can find an obvious counter point to my own argument: Your reality does not encourage your unique creativity, humour, computational skills and the friendships you formed. A fantasy game which brings all these collectively to the table as well as entertains, is an enriching real-life experience which will stand you in good stead as you develop as a human being.

True. I've been lucky enough to have had this experience too. That's why I don't denounce gaming or subscribe to any of the social stigmas concerning gaming. My approach (the reason I stopped playing) was from an economic perspective. If, instead of playing, I use that time to build my career, I'll have a more fulfilling real life. Once I gain financial independence, my whole life is in my hands. I can probably enjoy much better games too, after retirement. That made sense to me.

Instead of advancing two progress bars side by side, I'm advancing just one, a bit faster. That's just my choice. As Robert Frost says-

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. "
(The Road Not Taken)

UPDATE: Just got this comment from the person I took the quote from:
"Hello, I am the writer of the passage you quoted. Isn't it funny, I randomly remembered that I wrote this a while back, so I tried looking for it, but I couldn't find it on my hard drive. I took my chance and googled a few lines I could remember, then I stumbled upon your blog. Huh. LOL. Just a few words from me: Kudos to you for choosing to advance only one progress bar! :) Yay! I sooooo wanted to do that before, to quit, and just quit, but I really couldn't. So hats off to you! I guess my life is so just so intertwined with the game that it's virtually impossible. Heck, I even met my future husband in that game. (Seriously.) So this is what I decided to pursue: BALANCE. I admit, I wrote that passage a while back when I was less mature. However, I am happy to report that even though I am still playing the game, I am also pursuing a very successful real life career (which pays for my car, my lattes, and my stilettos! lol!). Anyway, enough of my babbling. To sum it up, glad you found your happy ground. :) -tari saralonde P.S. No, I'm not a random "guy", I'm a random "girl". :)"

Deepavali

The grandest festival celebrated in India: Deepavali. Fondly referred to as the festival of lights. Unfortunately, the grandeur associated with this festival is falling short in cities. City slickers are far removed from the roots of their religion and hence view it with disfavour. To office goers, all deepavali means is a two day holiday. People don't seem to appreciate this festival as much as they should.

Here are the main reasons people give to not celebrate deepavali:
1. Bursting crackers causes pollution.
2. I don't believe in festivals.

I'll address point no. 2 first. All humans celebrate festivals. For instance, did you know that Olympics was originally a festival of the Greeks? Now it is celebrated the world over. By watching the sporting events, you are celebrating a festival. All sports started as festivals. The icing on the cake is, if you're into sports, you are celebrating someone else's festival while scorning your own. And you probably do not know how Deepavali originated.

Deepavali is our festival to celebrate the triumph of good over evil. To many, it now symbolizes the triumph of Lord Rama over Ravana, but there are other roots for the festival too. If Deepavali was westernized, it would be the celebration of the end of WWII and all that it symbolized: triumph of the Allies against the Axis of Evil, a victory for democracy over fascism and nazism. And the ones you see mocking our religion now would probably celebrate such a festival, blindly imitating the west.

Anyway, if you really do not believe in any festival, why don't you work during festival days. Decline your company's holidays and go to work. If you don't believe in festivals, why act like you do and waste productive time mocking those who do.

Some say bursting crackers causes pollution and therefore we should not indulge in it. Fine. Your electricity usage causes pollution too, so how about living in a hut with no lights, fan or AC? (Electricity is produced by thermal power plants which burn coal as a fuel. This releases black smoke which settles over the surrounding area and also pollutes the land).

There is, however, a rational argument against bursting crackers which I concede. You say it is unnecessary pollution which can be avoided. I'll accept this viewpoint, but also show you why I differ.

Firstly, there is no such thing as 'necessary pollution'. Pollution for economic development is a westernized idea, which we have blindly accepted without question. You don't really need to go to shopping malls to shop, or buy products wrapped in fancy plastics. Those things pollute, but you accept it saying it as a part of development. You can argue over this, but that sparks an entirely different debate so I'll present another idea to support my view.

The per capita pollution of the developed nations is the highest in the world. Here's a simple equation to put that in perspective.

More money= more purchasing power
More purchasing power=more consumption
Consumption=Pollution

Also, if you look at pollution statistics, you can see that basically every activity pollutes, directly or indirectly. A Google search releases as much as 7g of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. And there are millions of Google searches being made every day. Now THAT is pollution.

Volcanic eruptions cause massive pollution and they occur very frequently (if you count the ones which occur underwater too). Plus, factor in the pollution caused by all the wars going on in the world now.

Now, think over this: Does all this pollution caused all over the world make you happy? No. Will enjoying a spectacular fireworks display with your family to celebrate an auspicious occasion symbolizing the triumph of good over evil make you happy? You answer the question.

Don't be fooled into giving up your happiness for the sake of the environment.

Have a happy (and safe) Deepavali :)

Update: The air pollution levels were down in Chennai this time. Also, the noise pollution levels were down. The change was apparently due to the preference for aerial fireworks as opposed to the 'vedis'. These were splendorous, comparatively environment-friendly, more interesting to watch: a win-win scenario in all.

First Anniversary

On the 25th of August last year, I took the first step. I started my blog. For the first few months, I was just swatting flies due to lack of content. Soon, I started learning and my writing started to evolve. 36 blog entries later, I can really see the difference. This difference also reflects on how I've grown as a person. A lot has happened in this past one year, events that have cumulatively changed my life. And you, my blog readers, have been aware of the subtle emotional undercurrents I've had.

I got an overwhelming response for 3 out of these 36 entries. The times I went off on a different theme- my life- my friends liked it. Those 3 entries were A Letter to God, The Reply and Happy Birthday to Me. Little did I know when I started my blog that I'll be sharing my personal life here. I was against it, as a matter of fact. Now, my inhibitions have been lowered. I'll write about myself.

Rather than I talk about myself, I'll let someone else do the talking. A few days ago, I was chatting with one of my friends, and she happened to mention that she's very intuitive. I asked her to predict my character. This is it in her own words:

"You love being alone, but can't be without people either, only few people who care about you. Friends, friendships and love are very important to you but you don't show it out. You will do anything for a friend or for someone you love. If something happens, the first person you'll blame is yourself. You want to achieve something great in life and you are capable but you doubt yourself and you compare yourself with others all the time and that can be a setback."

I'll add one more thing she told me. When I told her about my pathetic love life (don't ask) she says she believes I'll find someone who loves me and cares about me, and that she will chase after me....

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BLOG!
(I know it's a few days late but it's the month that counts :P)

PS> Read Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. It deals with intuitive reasoning.

Philosophical Musings

I was reading Paulo Coelho's The Pilgrimage recently. It was boring at start, but it gets quite interesting as you turn the pages. He talks of how it's bad to be at peace with your self- something which I found out for myself too. He says you stop chasing your dreams when you feel secure. I know that feeling. You enjoy the moment so much that you feel your dreams can wait. It is only when you are unhappy that you truly chase your dreams. I found that out for myself too. Wisdom comes from within, knowledge without.

Here's an interesting thought experiment: How do you know that any event which you were led to believe happened in the past actually happened? You were not there to witness it. You can't be sure it happened. So, why do you believe in it? Because someone told you it happened, or you read about it somewhere. You accept such tales without question. What if they did not actually happen, what if it was all an elaborate plot to fool you? Theoretically, it could be done. If it was, then your reality is far removed from that which you perceive. Your thoughts are based on your perception of reality. Therefore, they are flawed, and so are your beliefs.

In such a scenario, of what use is knowledge, when it will only serve to strengthen your warped view of reality? Your beliefs could very well be wrong or misguided. In that case, should we attach any importance to our beliefs? Pause for a moment now to think over it before you read on.

Ideas and beliefs keep changing over your lifetime. That's natural. It is a consequence of age or maturity, as we like to call it. That doesn't make a discarded idea any less important. Indeed, warped reality is a positive motivator. I realize that this is an arbitrary claim, but bear with me for a while. Some people set seemingly unrealistic goals for themselves and achieve it too. (Read The Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell). In their reality, it is a realistic goal. Realistically, it's unrealistic. Which leads me to conclude that realism is in itself an unrealistic belief, that life is neither black nor white but different shades of grey.

If such is the case, we need to hold on to our beliefs even more strongly, since they enable us to perceive an otherwise unintelligible world. A flawed perception of reality is better than none at all. And when our flawed perception makes sense to us and we achieve something that we deem to be productive, it proves my point. It is better to be wrong and still do right than to flounder.

Consider the following example: A child plays with other children of his age and develops athletic skills. This child grows into a sportsperson, representing his class, then his school, followed by city, district, state and finally his nation in some particular sport. At the start, the child is competitive only with his peer group and tries to become better than similar aged children. Soon, his talents are noticed and as he is encouraged, his talent grows. His range of competition broadens, and he is exposed to others who are equally competitive.

If this child is told, when very young, that he has to compete with all the other kids in the world, he will surely have nightmares about the heavy expectation put on his shoulders, expectations which he is not confident enough of achieving. The child's reality actually changes as he faces different levels of competition, yet we can assuredly say that this is a necessity. In other words, as reality grows, beliefs change. This change is for the better.

Even fantasies are unreal, yet we indulge in them. They are a means of escapism and entertainment. Similarly, we can treat beliefs as a means to an end- the end being what we want to make of our life.

It is said in the Hindu religion that the world is an illusion and the ultimate goal of man is to break free from it and enter the ethereal plane (for lack of a better word) where all life is a spirit; from which we can understand that even living an illusory life is worthwhile. Therefore, I conclude that this question can be left unanswered.

Happy Birthday To Me

I turn 20 today. As I look back over the years, how I’ve changed, how I’ve grown, I’m filled with mixed feelings. I’ve come quite far in this journey called life, but what have I got to show for it? I’ve amassed a wealth of knowledge- all of which are of no practical use. I’ve questioned why certain people do certain things and come off worse than the people whom I questioned. I’ve tried to understand this world using logic, using emotions, using philosophy and religion- and I’m back right where I started.

Sure, I’ve touched the lives of a few people whom I call friends, most of whom read this blog (which is why I blog!). Apart from that, I haven’t much else to show for my 20 years of existence. If I were to die today and God asks me to justify my time spent on earth, what would I answer? That I just lived like a parasite, squandering the resources of the planet without contributing anything, and worse, leaving behind my carbon footprint? That I’ve failed over and over and over again, but unlike Michael Jordan, haven’t succeeded? But there, I’m just making it harder on myself.

I’ve had a few private successes, but nothing I can gloat over or get recognized by society. Like, I’ve battled with and against various pixelated images on my computer screen. I’ve won quite a few virtual rewards. I’ve succeeded in making quite a few good friends, but people now judge friendship by the amount of people you have on a social networking site- friendship is a numbers game today.

On the down side, I’ve screwed up more often than I can recollect. The time when a birthday gift to a girl exploded on my face, the time when my terrible penalty kick cost our team the game, the time when I fought with a friend over a game of DotA, the time when I grossly misjudged another friend, all those ego clashes, the list goes on.

Terrible as that may seem, when I weigh it against all the wrongs done to me, it balances things out. A triple backstab worthy of a manta style divine rapier Rikimaru- betrayed by 3 mutual friends who conspired against me on the same day. People who say they will get back to me later and never do. Someone who calls me a friend but thinks hard before spending a few odd rupees on a call. Someone who treats me as a Rent-A-Friend; there for you when you want him, on hold and waiting at other times. Someone with an inflated sense of ego who won’t compromise or say sorry for anything. This list is vast too.

This is a classic example of the working of Karma- whatever you do comes right back to you. So I deserve all that. This is also why I sometimes lack in sympathy when someone tells me their sufferings. I view it as bad Karma- either that or God is testing them. According to me, unless you live in misery and sorrow, you cannot understand happiness. Pleasure and pain are two sides of the coin.

Life’s going to get a whole lot tougher and challenging henceforth. I’ll soon be leaving the nest in search of my own, living within my own thoughts most of the time. I’m entering the final year of engineering, the last year of my life as a full time student. But this is good. Facing the unknown challenge is what keeps my adrenalin going.

There is also going to be a phase shift in my attitude. I’m no longer going to be Mr. Nice Guy. (Thanks to my two best friends for making me realize all that I’m doing wrong). No more returning deliberate missed calls. No more friendships with undeserving people. The flowerbed may look thicker with weeds, but it’s just the few flowers which really matter the most. I’m weeding my garden, throwing away all my emotional clutter. I will now sail free over the ocean of life, flowing with the current, appreciating whatever tidings it may bring.

Games and Violence

Is aggression and violence in games making the players take to violence in real life? Some old fashioned people would directly answer yes, without considering any evidence, simply because they don't like games and therefore would say anything degrading games. They would condemn violent games without taking a second look at them. Personally, I view violent first person shooter (FPS) games with distaste; they give me a headache and are not at all a means of relaxation and recreation, which is what a game means to me. But then, I'm not denying that they are recreational to others- they are.

Saying that violence in games makes the gamers naturally aggressive is going over the top though. Drawing a parallel, playing NFS should then make drivers reckless. However, this has never been raised as an issue. And it would have, if games mirrored reality. Even though road accidents are as common as a one rupee coin, no one blames games for them. Why? Because it's not the gamers who have a high likelihood of causing an accident. Indeed, with reflexes acquired from skilled driving in games, they may possibly have a better chance of averting a high speed disaster.

Therefore, blaming games for inciting violence is a very biased way of looking at the issue. Gamers know the difference between fantasy and reality. No one wants to play a game resembling real life- no one would possibly want to play a game where a sprite sits in class or office all day long and then comes home to do homework. No, thank you. It'd be more interesting to spend some time shooting down aliens on a console and then going back to the actual homework.

Games are merely an escape from reality; they allow us to immerse ourselves in a fantasy world. And violent games have their appeal because they are far removed from our peaceful daily life. Also, killing some noobs releases all the pent up tensions from a hard day of work, and makes us relaxed. Thus, these games are beneficial too!

That said, I don't like the amount of blood and gore in some games. It's a major turn-off for some people, especially girls. Here's when you see games mirror reality: the people who can't stand blood in a game can't stand the sight of it in RL too.

To sum up, to say that violence in games causes violence in real life is like saying playing contact sports causes aggression. If that were so, we'll all have to grow up playing tiddlywinks, and who knows, maybe boys will fall in love with barbie dolls too :-)

A Question

Here's an interesting question: Do I want to win in life, or do I want to be happy?

When I was marching towards victory, I haven't been very happy (satisfied maybe, for having achieved some milestone). But for the past year, I've taken it easy and I've been very happy. And I like this happy life. So, do I want to win?

Let's argue this in another way. You've worked hard these past 3 years, so it's O.K. to take time off to be happy. But there will come a point when I have to take up the mantle again. That time will come when I can no longer revel in my past accomplishments. Till then, I'm doing fine.

I haven't been doing any self-analysis or retrospection for quite some while now. I'm so at peace with myself that I don't want to do it. Heck, I've decided to play without rules. Having fun has become one of my goals. I just want to live in the present and be happy. The future can take care of itself for now.

People tend to envy the ones who win. But, is it really a good thing to win? The ones who do spend so much time and mental energy on it that they don't have any left to appreciate the finer aspects of life. In other words, the high achievers don't live a very balanced life.

Picture this: An independent guy who can do his own cooking, all the menial chores, can maintain his garden, is healthy and sociable with his neighbours, respected as a dedicated worker, a family man with spirituality, religion and altruistic tendencies. Add in a loving wife and kids.

Now, contrast this with a high achiever who puts in 70-80 hour weeks, a brilliant decision maker and efficient manager, successfully running a business in a field with cut-throat competition, is respected for his analytical ability and business skills. Is it uncommon to associate such a person with a small social circle, a not so happy married life, too important to do his own cooking and household chores, not highly concerned with anything that is not materialistic, even a lifestyle disorder. I think not.

Which sort of person would you like to be? It should be noted that there are achievers who have a satisfying personal life. In that case, I guess they weren't stars in school or college but mediocre people. Only then would they have realized the value of leading a balanced life, of having fun without thinking of it as wasted time, or attaching an opportunity cost to it.

That's the sort of person I'd like to be. I know the value of human relationships, money and power. I want to be a person who is better than most in my field, yet not the best. The best guys never have it easy. Eminem is a living example. I want to be a freelancer. That way, I can say no when my heart says no and my wallet accepts.

I shall work hard to achieve this ideal: to be successful, to gain money and power, at the same time leading a rewarding personal life filled with love, family, friends, spirituality and altruism.

This is an excerpt from my diary, written in mid May. I wrote this because I read this question in a book on relationships. And guys, I'm posing this question to you too. Decide whether you want to win, or be happy. Ask of yourself this question whenever you embark on a new venture, and review your priorities often. Be clear on what you want to do, focus on what you want, and may success be with you.

Random Stuff

I have this word file called important in which I copy paste all the well, important stuff which I find on the internet, which I know I'll want to refer to in the future. Not links, phrases or paragraphs which appeal to me. I'll share these:

"You can’t turn people into puppets with hypnosis, but it does tell you how to get in synch with them in a way that they are more likely to trust you and want to have you around. That’s handy in every walk of life. And you can tell if what you’re saying or doing is having a positive or negative impact as you are doing it. That helps a lot too."

This one is from the Dilbert blog, from a very, very old post on Hypnotism. This was the first thing I saved actually (or the first thing which I saved after the nth purging of my PC from viruses). It especially struck me because I was seeing someone having this very same hypnotic quality, and I noticed the effect of that on me.

"When you're feeling alone, like no one cares, read this cuz its absolutely true: Every night , someone thinks about you before they go to sleep, At least fifteen people in this world love you. The only reason someone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. There are at least two people in this world that would die for you. You mean the world to someone. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look. Always remember the compliments you've received. Forget the rude remarks."

Although it sounds a bit like wishful thinking, I just liked it.

"SHED- separate the treasures, heave the trash, embrace your identity from within and drive yourself forward."

This was from some site which propounded reducing the material clutter around you to achieve a sense of spiritual liberation. I know it sounds corny, but it does make sense.

"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails, at least fails, while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

Truly mind-blowing quote, but no idea where I read it. Maybe it was in someone's sig in one of the many forums I frequent.

"Five simple secrets of success (People skills necessary for success)
Rapport, empathy, persuasion, cooperation and consensus building"

Don't mind this. I'm into management, leadership, self-help and corporate training in a big way. I probably picked this up from one such book.

"Relationships do not end when a person dies. Some other aspect of it deepens and begins. Your relationship isn’t over, it is just no longer externalized. The pain involved is the consequence of love. That’s what love costs. Some people say the price of love is too high. They will take many incarnations to get by that fear, which is fine. However, there is a point in which fear does not lead our life anymore. We are willing to love even if it is painful at times.

Love is the only rational act of a lifetime. Everything else pales in comparison. Things that are motivated by love can still turn out badly in the physical world, but the intention for love does not turn out badly, it can only bring a deeper capacity for love."-Stephen Levine

Profound. If that touched you, google Stephen Levine or get your hands on Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom.

"Immanuel Kant- Kant believed himself to be creating a compromise between the empiricists and the rationalists. The empiricists believed that knowledge is acquired through experience alone, but the rationalists maintained that such knowledge is open to Cartesian doubt and that reason alone provides us with knowledge.

The mind itself necessarily makes a constitutive contribution to its knowledge, that this contribution is transcendental rather than psychological, that philosophy involves self-critical activity, that morality is rooted in human freedom, and that to act autonomously is to act according to rational moral principles

The concepts of the mind (Understanding) and the perceptions or intuitions that garner information from phenomena (Sensibility) are synthesized by comprehension. Without the concepts, intuitions are nondescript; without the intuitions, concepts are meaningless—thus the famous quotation, "Thoughts without content are empty, intuitions without concepts are blind."

That's a bit of psychology/philosophy. I do have varied tastes. Having obtained some knowledge of this realm (as much as Wiki provided), I feel Kant's school of thought is sound. I agree with Freud too, in certain things, but I'm in disfavour of the Jungian school of thought.

"Just because you do the same thing day after day everyday, doesn't mean life is boring. The trick is to find what is interesting in the repetition - to find meaning for every iteration. Then, and only then, will you discover that there is actually something new in what you have been doing, and you never really saw it because you never really looked."

Reminds me of my own blog post on Repetition. It's true in essence, there is a meaning in every iteration, if only you care to look for it without thinking of it as a drudgery.

"No offences , but over my schooling , engineering and MBA , there have been numerous occasions when students from the reserved categories have made it while far smarter and deserving ones have been left in the cold. It’s all too moving to read about the son of the rickshaw puller who made it to Infosys , but what about the guy from the general category who had double the brains but could not get into a decent engineering college because the rickshaw puller’s son got in through the quota ? I am sure that one day, there will be little kids dropping years to get into nursery class."

And THAT is why I really hate India, the whole damn country is ruled by greedy politicians who mess with the education system and wreak havoc in the lives of millions of students year after year. Reservations in IIT and IIM? The dream institutes for many brilliant minds, who work hard and long, only to be beaten at the end by the son of a biscuit who proudly presents his SC/ST/BC certificate (thus degrading himself calling himself a 'backward person', and without even having as much self-respect as to care about his own status), walking away with the seat of a more deserving candidate.

That was from the blog of an ex-IIM guy by the way. On another note, I don't condemn the people who make use of their 'free' seats. I'd do the same if I were in their place and have the same lack of dignity and self-respect.

There's lots more, but I'll save that for another time.

God, Science and Atheists

Suppose I were to say that a bridge, a perfectly engineered structure, was created without an engineer, that it just happened to exist and I discovered it. The scientific community will ridicule that saying a bridge can't be created by nature without human intervention. Yet, these very same people propound that a 'supernova explosion' created the universe. (The Big Bang Theory)

Has any scientist ever created anything using a bomb? The mightiest bomb ever created, the nuclear bomb, destroyed 2 cities and still continues to do so after well over 50 years. So, can the scientific community kindly explain how a 'big bang' created the universe, to the tiniest detail- we, the Earth are all just the tiniest details if we are to believe the expanding universe theory- without some Almighty's assistance?

If a single particle exploded to form the universe, who programmed or triggered the explosion? Or do you claim it happened just like that? By sheer chance.

Even believing the supernova explosion theory, God had to create that explosion. What are the chances of your toaster exploding if you just stand still and wait for it to happen? And even if it does explode sometime in the next 10,000 years, what are the chances that this explosion will create, not destroy.

Clearly, there are unknown forces at work which you scoff at because you can't understand them. Or you are too drunk by the power of science and blinded by your arrogance to notice a force more powerful than you ever imagined. Even if you do notice it, you tell yourself it doesn't exist since you won't believe in things you don't understand and won't try to understand the things you don't believe in. That's a vicious circle of ignorance you are in. Or is it that you prefer this ignorance because you don't want to acknowledge that there is someone more powerful than you?

"A group feeling is a wonderful thing." Humans are social animals; they like groups. It gives them a feeling of belonging. They even risk personal safety and comfort for the sake of the group. That's why you have people willing to die for their country, willing to die so that someone else enjoys freedom, soldiers who throw their bodies at a bomb to protect their friends.

Why do all that? When a person dies, he's going to leave this world anyway. How does it matter what the world does when you are no longer a part of it? The most natural thing to do, then, would be to protect your own skin rather than giving it away for a 'cause'. What's the glory in dying for the country? The 'country' is just a piece of land. Is that land worth more to you than life? Apparently, it is for so many.

From a scientific point of view, patriotism is utter bullshit. But no one dares to say that in public still, because a hardcore patriot may hear them and make life hell for them. Thus, this very unscientific feeling is spared from contempt.

Soldiers believe in a cause, something unbelievable which in the long run doesn't even exist and are called heroes. Theists believe in God, and are said to be deluded, while God is very much existent and his presence can be proven. Jesus brought about Christianity, bringing hope and faith to many. People started believing in a new cause- a cause which didn't require them to sacrifice their life, but to lead it in such a way that they become a better person and benefit humanity. Hindus have to lead a life of Dharma, and our Karma affects our afterlife.

Religion is a good cause, one which-
1. gives a group feeling; people of one faith
2. benefits entire humanity, not just the people in a small piece of land
3. is open to anyone, regardless of their age and physical strength
4. guides you along your path, towards your destiny
5. gives you meaning in life and opens you to the path of spirituality
6. is peaceful and preaches love and altruism

Is that not a better cause to live for? (Not die for, note that!) So, who are the real heroes?

But, we are now in a society that wants to go against religion, against the very thing which unifies all humanity and is the reason for human kindness and the superiority of humans over the animal kingdom. We are now in a society where people think it cool to not belong, to defy God, to defy the tenets by which humans are bound. We have people who use science as a weapon and crusade the world trying to prove God doesn't exist, deceiving themselves by saying it repeatedly, blocking their inner voices which screams at them to acknowledge God.

We have self-proclaimed atheists, who are mostly emo kids saying vile things over the Internet, emboldened by anonymity to say such puerile things against religion which they would dare not utter in public. And we have some atheists, who actually don't believe God exists. They are poor souls lost in life who move through it without any meaning and die without even understanding the true purpose of life.

And then there are agnostics. These are people who believe in themselves more than they believe in God. These are the people who, while acknowledging that God may exist, don't really care about it either way. They observe both sides, and draw their conclusions from facts and logic, rather than from the blind ignorance which characterizes atheists and the over-zealousness and the ends justify the means attitude which characterizes some religious zealots.

I'm a believer. I choose to be one. Not because someone wants me to believe. Not because I was born one. I believe because I want to believe. I believe in God because I know God exists and looks after us. To the non-believers I'll say this: If you want to prove something wrong, you can disregard 100 people's logical arguments for it and still think you're right. Unless you open yourself to the possibility of God's existence, you will live in ignorance of his doings and continue to live in your ignorant bliss.

But I'm no bigot. I'll say this in favour of atheists. If you are altruistic and believe in doing good for humanity, believe in love and more importantly believe in yourself and are driven to do good deeds by your own free will, you are following your own religion and although you may blind yourself to the presence of God, you are probably better off than the theists who follow a religon because they fear God.

I'm Back

I read this somewhere in this vast cyberspace, and I couldn't help but laugh on reading it. So here I am, sharing it with everyone else. Beware, geeky stuff ahead!

Engineering vs. Computer Science : A Perspective

Once upon a time, in a kingdom not far from here, a king summoned two of his advisors for a test. he showed them both a shiny metal box with two slots in the top, a control knob and a lever. "What do you think this is?"

One advisor, an engineer, answered first. "It is a toaster," he said. The king asked, "How would you design an embedded computer for it?" The engineer replied, "Using a four-bit microcontroller, I would write a simple program that reads the darkness knob and quantizes its position to one of 16 shades of darkness, from snow white to coal black. The program would use that darkness level as the index to a 16 element table of initial timer values. Then it would turn on the heating elements and start the timer, with the initial value selected from the table. At the end of the time delay, it would turn off the heat and pop up the toast. Come back in a week and I'll show you a working prototype."

The second advisor, a computer scientist, immediately recognized the danger of such short-sighted thinking. He said, "Toasters don't just turn bread into toast, they are also used to warm frozen waffles. What you see before you is really a breakfast food cooker. As the subjects of your kingdom become more sophisticated, they will demand more capabilities. They will need a breakfast food cooker that can also cook sausage, fry bacon and make scrambled eggs. A toaster that only makes toast will soon be obsolete. If we don't look to the future, we will have to completely redesign the toaster in just a few years."

"With this in mind, we can formulate a more intelligent solution to the problem. First, create a class of breakfast foods. Specialize this class into subclasses: grains, pork, poultry. the specialization process should be repeated with grains divided into toast, muffins, pancakes and waffles; pork divided into sausages links and bacon; and poultry divided into scrambled eggs, hard-boiled eggs, poached eggs, fried eggs and various omelet classes."

"The ham and cheese omelet class is worth special attention because it must inherit characteristics from the pork, dairy and poultry classes. Thus, we see that the problem cannot be properly solved without multiple inheritance. At run time, the program must create the proper object, and send a message to the object that says, 'Cook yourself.' The semantics of this message depend, of course, on the kind of object, so they have a different meaning to a piece of toast than to scrambled eggs."

"Reviewing the process so far, we see that the analysis phase has revealed that the primary requirement is to cook any kind of breakfast food. In the design phase, we have discovered some derived requirements. Specifically, we need an object-oriented language with multiple inheritance. Of course, users don't want the eggs to get cold while the bacon is frying, so concurrent processing is required also."

We must not forget the user interface. The lever that lowers the food lacks versatility, and the darkness knob is confusing. Users won't buy the product unless it has a user friendly, graphical interface. When the breakfast cooker is plugged in, users should see a cowboy boot on the screen. Users click on it, and the message, 'Booting UNIX v.8.3' appears on the screen (UNIX 8.3 should be out by the time the product gets to market.) Users can pull down a menu and click on the foods they want to cook."

"Having made the wise decision of specifying the software first in the design phase, all that remains is to pick an adequate hardware platform for the implementation phase. An Intel Pentium Pro with 32 Mb of memory and a 2Gb hard disk and a 17" super VGA monitor should be sufficient. If you select a multitasking, object oriented language that supports multiple inheritance and has a built-in GUI, writing the program will be a snap. (Imagine the difficulty we would have had if we had foolishly allowed a hardware-first design strategy to lock us into a four-bit microcontroller!)"

The king wisely had the computer scientist beheaded, and they lived happily ever after.

Thoughts on Gaming

Recently, while researching MMORPG's, it struck me that they were valuable tools for economists and other researchers in conducting studies. They could study the economy, growth, relevance of prices of certain common rares to inflation, the way of currency generation and currency sinking[1], how a balance is maintained and how the economy moves during a sudden imbalance.

Psychologists could take a survey of the players to understand the mentality of the gamers, or even go so far as to recommend them as a therapy for depression, withdrawal etc. A parallel can always be drawn between real life and virtual life. Also, due to the anonymity of the online world, it is easier to obtain contributions from normally reserved people.

Game developers are the most benefited from MMORPG research. While developers of other game genres get feedback or criticism from their fan base only after their games go up for sale, MMORPG developers receive steady, real-time feedback with which they can rectify mistakes and pull back dissatisfied gamers, as well as lead the game the way their players like it. This minimizes their losses and maximizes their revenue.

I stumbled upon an article in Ars Technica which says that indeed such research using MMORPG data is on the anvil. Thanks to a partnership with Sony, a team of academic researchers have obtained the largest set of data on social interactions they've ever gotten their hands on: the complete server logs of Everquest 2, which track every action performed in the game. The data contained is a massive 60 TB!

The article can be found here: http://arstechnica.com/science/news/2009/02/aaas-60tb-of-behavioral-data-the-everquest-2-server-logs.ars

However, I feel that real-time assessment is easier and much more lucrative, mainly because delving into past trends is a hard job, and also because the future of that game will be vastly different from the past[2]- though this point is not valid for researching into the game economy. You might say that it is not valid for assessing player mentality either, but take into consideration the fact that the player's interest or love for the game grows with time (usually). Thus, their attitude towards and in the game vastly changes, just as time spent on the game fluctuates due to RL.

A unique phenomenon that is observed in MMORPG’s using a cash shop or item mall system is that while the players grumble about having to pay a subscription to play the game, they are willing to spend quite a sum to obtain these cash shop items. The revenue from these items far exceeds the subscription revenue. The general trend is now an f2p (free-to-play) game earning from the item mall.

Gamers are attracted to different types of MMORPG’s, and gamers in the same MMORPG have different ways of playing, different reasons to play- indeed, the reasons are as diverse as the players themselves! It is fascinating to see how a virtual world so closely parallels our real life. If you are someone with a passion for analyzing such scenarios, I suggest you look up the Daedalus Project on MMORPG research, cyber culture and MMORPG psychology.

Here’s the link: http://www.nickyee.com/daedalus/

MMORPG players carry over their experience, relationships and knowledge obtained through the game to real life, enhancing it and in some cases changing it for the better. I should know; it was so for me. So here’s to all you guys and gals who experience this wonderful virtual world. Happy playing:)

[1]- Every MMORPG has a way of currency generation, which is mostly from selling loot to NPCs (Non-Player Characters). Currency sinking is the way in which the game takes away currency from the players. This is very essential to prevent steep inflation and improper systems could lead to total imbalance. Generally, currency sinking is through buying consumable or restorative items from NPCs, for leveling up skills, for upgrading armor and weapons etc.

[2]- This holds true for a game researcher especially. However, it is useful to study past trends and correlate with the present to get an idea of where the game is heading. A game can’t keep expanding and adding new updates- there is a point beyond which this will lose appeal. Also, the soundness of the game mechanics can be gleaned only from studying the game history.

Entertainment (R)evolution

Entertainment is a way of amusement, a means by which to forget the worries of life and immerse oneself in a fantasy world- be it through a play, a book, or a movie, or, more recently- through a game.

The entertainment industry is keeping pace with technological innovations. They are cashing in on the broadband penetration, animation and multimedia advancement, easy availability of high resolution video capturing devices, etc. There has been a sea-change in such a short period that I think we can call them (the current entertainment media) New Age Media.

The new age media has displaced the conventional ones- namely, the print media. Today, people are more interested in movies and games than in books. One of the oldest and most revered forms of entertainment is slowly fading away into insignificance, much to the chagrin of the literary folks. Parents too are aware that time spent by their kids reading is slowly being replaced by movies and games. Many look askance at this trend. However, before coming down heavily on the new age media, let us first examine the evolution of entertainment.

For the sake of argument, assume that the earliest form of entertainment was verbal- talks given by wise people, visual- dance and art, and abstract- music. Along came a means of recording spoken conversation. This was great! The wise men could now supplement their discourses with text, saving themselves time and energy and also improving their reach. Some looked askance and condemned this because they were afraid this invention would make them obsolete. Nevertheless, this invention revolutionized entertainment, and still exists in the form of books.

The next major revolution in the field of entertainment was the invention of still photography, followed by motion picture technology. Images could now be captured and replayed. Opera lovers condemned this form of recorded entertainment. They believed that theirs was the only ‘cultured’ way of entertainment. The pictures were for the ignorant and foolish masses. However, motion pictures had a lot of scope, and film-making boomed. Today, we even have film schools- an educational institute dedicated to the study of an entertainment media!

Even today, movies are criticized for showing violence and nudity, but they have mass appeal and some (documentaries) are even educational. Man has adapted the available media to suit his needs.

The next big thing was AI. Computers, programming, high level languages and creativity contributed to the next big concept- Artificial Intelligence. AI brought with it a new form of entertainment- gaming. It has dazzled people of all ages, spawns across many genres, and has created an entire industry based on it. Heck, it continues to thrive even during the global recession.

Many people were (still are) against games because they are so addictive. But now, they are waking up to the fact that it is here to stay. This just goes to show that the gaming industry is evolving just like the film industry did. The whole concept of entertainment is changing. Unlike movies or books, games are not passive. They are aggressive sports, which trigger a lot of different parts of the brain. This means that gaming is definitely not a form of relaxation (not to be confused with recreation).

The point to be noted here is that what’s acceptable today was disputed earlier. We have grown used to certain things over time. Likewise, I’m sure gaming will soon become an acceptable activity. If there is one thing history can teach us, it is that we live in a dynamic society where change is the only constant. It is better to flow with the tide than to resist it. So, let us all usher in the New Age Entertainment Media with a smile:)

Girls need to realize...

I've copy pasted a lot lately; maybe it's because I feel some things are definitely worth sharing and publicizing. I read this in a forum I was browsing through.

WRITTEN BY A GUY

We don’t care if you’re friends with other guys, but when you’re sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. It doesn’t help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we’re still there.

We don’t care if a guy calls OR TEXTS you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can’t wait till the morning.

Also, when we tell you you’re pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. Don’t tell us we’re wrong. We’ll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.

Don’t be mad when we hold the door open. Take advantage of the mood am in.
Let us pay for you!
Don’t “feel bad”
We enjoy doing it.
It’s expected.
Smile and say “Thank You.”

Kiss us when no one’s watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody’s looking, we’ll be more impressed.
You don’t have to get dressed up for us.
If we’re going out with you in the first place, you don’t have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for who you are and not what you are.
Honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she’s just in her pj’s. or my shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.

Don’t take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don’t get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.

“Don’t talk about how hot Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us”. It’s boring, and we don’t care. You have friends for that.
Whatever happened to the word “handsome”/”beautiful”?
I’d be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with “Hey handsome!” instead of “Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy” or whatever else you can think of. On the other hand I’m not saying I wouldn’t like it either.

Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren’t being treated right by a guy, don’t wait for him to change. Ditch this sad freak- he’s an utter disgrace to the male population- and find someone who will treat you with respect.

Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you’re at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what they’re doing just to look you in the eyes….and say “i love you” ..And actually mean it.

Give the nice guys a chance.
Guys repost this if you agree.
Girls repost this if you think it’s cute.
Every Guy who isn’t a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this.

*Holding Hands
Girls : If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.

*Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you’re cold.
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.

*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder.
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too… And mean it.

*Laying below the stars
Girls : When you’re both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat.
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.

Knowledge, Experience and Creativity

Every action performed by a person can be classified under knowledge, experience and creativity; some, under more than one heading. Knowledge is defined as the result of learning, perception and reasoning. Experience results from the accumulation and application of acquired knowledge. Creativity is the ability to use the acquired knowledge and experience to create new experiences. The result of these experiences may create new knowledge.

On a scale of 100, try ranking their relative importance.

My ranking would be:
Knowledge-> 30
Experience-> 30
Creativity-> 40

I emphasize on creativity a lot, mainly because while knowledge can be easily acquired and experiences are a part of life, unless you decide to be creative, you can lead your entire life without being so.

That said, creativity is the resultant of knowledge and experience. Suppose you know two facts which appear to be inter-related. You get curious and want to try combining them, to see what you get. That's a creative process. To be able to spot the places where you can be creative, you need experience with the said facts.

A simple example. Physicists identified the wave and particle nature of light. One brilliant physicist tried to relate both, in the form of a mathematical equation. This physicist was Louis de Broglie, and his creative work is the de broglie equation. This brought about a better understanding of the dual nature of matter and radiation.

To be creative, one does not need academic brilliance or years of experience. Creativity only requires a threshold level of knowledge and experience. Despite this, creativity is the most difficult of the 3 to obtain. Reason for that being a majority of the schooling focusses only on learning (acquiring knowledge) and lab work (first hand experience). Hence the witticism "I was brilliant. Education ruined me." That's creativity at work again.

How to become creative?

Creativity is inherent in all. It has merely been dulled by the constant influx of knowledge and experience. If you let your mind wander, creativity speaks to you. You'll start questioning things which you once thought of as logical, asking yourself new questions, and answering them too. That's creativity at work. It will not happen when you are busy with some task. Since most people keep themselves occupied all the time, they never give their creativity any time to surface, burying it completely in the long run.

For a start, give some time for your mind to wander. However, if you are under the grip of a strong emotion during this time, you'll harp on whatever is affecting you only.

Next, try out the ideas obtained. Create an experience and make note of the resulting knowledge. Guide your mind into thinking about these results. Creativity will strike again!

10 Signs You're In Love

10. You've forgotten your ex
More often than not, a breakup is followed by a significant amount of time spent thinking about your ex and wondering whether or not you made the right decision in going your separate ways. Depending on how long the two of you were together, these doubts can resurface again and again.

Ever since you met this new one, however, the thought of getting back together with your ex is the furthest thing from your mind. Come to think of it, you barely recall what you found so great about her in the first place.


9. You can't stop thinking about her/him
Instead, you are consumed by thoughts of her/him. S/he just pops into your head for no apparent reason, and you wonder if s/he thinks of you half as much as you think of her/him. You wonder what s/he's up to and even consider calling her/him (but refrain from doing so for fear of looking overeager).

But it gets worse. You're out with your friends and you see something in a shop window and think about how much s/he would like that particular item, or you notice a poster for a show that s/he would love, but normally wouldn't even have looked twice at it.

If s/he's the last thing on your mind before you go to sleep and the first thing on your mind when you wake up — and you've even dreamed of her/him on a couple of occasions — then you don't really even need to read on to know if you're in love (but should anyway, just to be sure).


8. You care about her
There is a reason why you don't really want to know too much about the chick/guy you had a one-night stand with: You don't love her/him. When you're in love with a wo/man, you want to know all about her/him: who s/he is, what s/he thinks, what makes her/him laugh. You truly care about her/him and her/his feelings.

If you truly love a wo/man, you feel bad if s/he had a bad day or is upset about something. You don't try to cheer her/him up because you have to, but because you can't help it.


7. You find her quirks charming
The fact that s/he carries her/his passport with her/him everywhere s/he goes — just in case — and that, when s/he's eating, s/he can't help but construct every forkful so that it's the perfect blend of ingredients fills you with an inexplicable feeling of happiness. S/he does and says things that make her/him different, and you like it. You can't quite put your finger on why, but it doesn't even matter. You like her/him just the way s/he is.


6. You have great chemistry
You can't be in love with someone that you have no chemistry with. If you seem to always be on the same wavelength, and think in similar ways, that's a great sign. If you also generate enough heat to set off a five-alarm fire bell, then s/he is probably someone that you could fall in love with, if you aren't there already.


5. You don't notice other women as much
Did you see that gorgeous blonde that just walked by?

What do you mean, "no"?!? Although you can't help noticing a beautiful wo/man when one walks by, when you're in love, some of them tend to slip under the radar, while others just pale in comparison to her/him. Furthermore, you don't seem to be flirting half as much as you used to.

You are slowly realizing that s/he's often the only wo/man in the room that matters, and for some reason that suits you just fine.


4. You love spending time with her/him
This one is pretty obvious but important nonetheless. You look forward to seeing her/him and don't care much about what the two of you will be doing. Lately, just going for a walk with her/him sounds like the best way you could possibly spend an evening.

Furthermore, when you're not together, you miss her/him and wish you were spending time together.


3. You don't mind compromising sometimes
There was a time when it was your way or the highway, but with her/him it's different. Not that s/he asks you to, but you don't mind missing a night out with the guys/girls to be with her/him. And you find yourself trying to incorporate her/him into your plans or altering them to accommodate her/him.

You also find yourself not putting up a fight when s/he wants to go to Shakespeare in the Park. Although your friends find this very amusing, you know that deep down, they wish that they had found a love like yours.


2. Other priorities take a back seat
You used to train religiously, but lately, if s/he's free for dinner, you don't mind missing a workout. Not only that, but your workaholic tendency of bringing home your work on weekends to get ahead seems a bit excessive to you as of late.

Your ever-important "to do" list seems quite stagnant these days, as being with her/him always manages to render your other plans and obligations obsolete. What was it that you absolutely had to do by four o'clock again?


1. You start thinking about the future and s/he's in it
It used to be that the future with a wo/man meant your date on Saturday night, but with this wo/man, the future seems infinite. Not only do you plan to see her/him this weekend, but you want to see her/him a year from now as well.

When planning your next vacation, you know you want to spend it with her/him, and not a random beach bunny you happen to meet while you're there. And when you get an invitation to a wedding that takes place three months from now, you ask her/him to be your date without thinking that it's too far away to tell if you'll still be together.

She's the one
If you are currently dating a wo/man that makes you act in any of the ways mentioned above, then you, my friend, are seriously falling for her/him. It's time to put away the little black book for a while and enjoy the ride.