The Reply

Dear Kash,

The questions you put forward, many people ask themselves the same questions. First off, acknowledge that everything that happens is a result of free will- mine, yours and others. Your actions, your feelings, your emotions, they are all your own. Take responsibility for them. Your self-confidence is what matters for you to get ahead in life. Nurture that, and temper it with compassion.

You asked me why I throw the same challenge at you over and over again. I throw it at you till you have completely mastered that challenge. The first time you surmount that challenge, you feel contended for having done it. The second time you face it, you fare even better, and your self-confidence grows. I do this till you no longer see it as a challenge. By repeating one test over and over again, it transcends from being formidable to piffling.

I give you time to rest, and you promptly take up a new challenge. You just don’t want to rest. You thrive on challenges. The only time you feel at peace with yourself is when you are pursuing a goal. You are an achiever. You just don’t want to sit back and enjoy life, and you know that. Happiness is accompanied by guilt; guilt that you are wasting time being happy rather than doing something useful.

The more you suffer, the more your emotional strength. When you are even denied what you justly deserve, that’s when you push yourself even harder, until you find your limits. The more you feel pain, the more immune you become to it. So, as you progress in life, the lesser pains don’t affect you. You are able to concentrate all your energy towards what needs to be done. That’s a very useful thing to be able to do.

It is stupidity to expect things from others. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you- sadly, this applies only to you, not others. It is only when they realize the impact of their actions will they change. In this hectic pace of life, where people look neither around nor back, but only forward, like a horse with tunnel vision, it is not reasonable to wish for that. De-sensitize yourself. Be realistic. Before expecting anything, see what’s in it for them. If they are not feeling rewarded, they won’t do it just for you. And people rarely make amends; they’d rather move on.

No one can handle what they once did. Your past self had a frame of mind to handle certain things. Your present self has the frame of mind to handle different things. Just as you cannot undo what’s already been done, you can’t redo it either. There are no second chances. Live with it. Be at peace with that. Newer challenges will always come your way. The difficulty level of a challenge does not depend on the amount of pain it causes. Each is unique in itself.

You rejoice or cry alone because you do not want to let someone else into your world. This is precisely the reason why you don’t even want a girlfriend. I admit you’ve tried to be more open and been betrayed; so much so that you’ve lost hope. Yet, you will have to let your faith in humanity endure. Let me tell you a story:

A sage gave his disciple an empty sack and a basket of potatoes. He told him to think of all those who had deeply offended him, carve each of their names on a potato, and to carry them around in a sack. The disciple carried the sack, at first, without any difficulty. Soon it started to hamper his movements and the potatoes started rotting, emitting a foul odor.

When you are unable to forgive others, you carry negative feelings with you everywhere. That negativity becomes a burden and festers. So forgive others. People will keep hurting you. The only way to fully avoid this negativity is to relinquish the sack itself. This is the Tao of forgiveness.

Your fate has been handed to you. You cannot do anything about it. It is not up to you to question your fate, but rather, to think of how to handle it now that it has come your way. You cannot change that which has happened. What you can do is extricate yourself from it and fight for what you want. Fight or flight. You are a fighter. You will fight.

If you know what your future holds in store for you, you will become complacent- if the future looks good, or resigned- if it looks bad. You can live in the present only if you don’t know what the future holds. You have an ambition, you work towards it, and step by step you will achieve it. If you have faith in yourself, the future is nothing to worry about.

Love, trust and teamwork are indeed important in today’s world. If you seek them, you will get them. Your rewards depend on the time and effort you put into it.

If you have an inferiority complex, you will strive to quell it. You will work harder to improve yourself, till you no longer feel inferior. It is a driving force, a motivator. Your ideals cause you pain, definitely, but they do not cause you to crumble. Even if you do crumble, you will grow stronger when you rebuild. You destroy something you love, so that you create a better version of it when you re-create it.

Follow your dreams, believe in Karma, forgive yourself and others, have confidence in yourself, be ambitious, fill your heart with love, open your soul to the spiritual world, take success and failure in your stride- you will get to where you want to be. You are what you are and what you are is good.

A Letter to God

Dear God,

I thank you for taking good care of me. I thank you for the chances you gave me to experience your will. I call myself an agnostic. However, I do acknowledge that there are certain things beyond the control of any living being; I’ve experienced those forces, the ones which you alone can invoke and control.

I’m a self-dependent man. I have confidence in myself. Sometimes, I feel like I can fly solo without your guiding hand. I feel like I can handle all of my problems alone and unaided. At these times, you let me try. I meet with varying degrees of success and failures. Soon, I begin to grow more confident and think I can manage alone, come what may.

At these times, you arrange for fate to test my will. The first test is too hard for me. You have to guide me through. You keep testing me. You don’t give up on me. I feel proud that I have passed one of your tests. It takes a lot out of me, but I feel contended to have done it. What I don’t understand is, why do I have to keep repeating them over and over again? It is so painful to endure. Have I not worked hard enough to deserve a rest?

And why am I so unlucky when it comes to having a social life. Why don’t I have a girlfriend? It’s so common to see youngsters my age who are committed. And I’ve lost so many friends, friends whom I valued. I know, I have a huge ego. I do swallow it to make amends when I am wrong. Why don’t they do the same? Am I so unimportant in their life that they just discard me like an old shoe? These questions haunt me at nights. I can’t face them. I run away. Why did you let this all happen? Why, God?

There are times when I feel proud to have come so far, to have handled so much, times when I have looked at my past with pride, and admired myself for the way I handled things. At these times, I also feel a little cowardice; I don’t want to go through those experiences again, I don’t want to battle anymore. I just want to be contended and happy. At the same time, I feel guilt. Guilt that I have grown far too soft now, guilt that I can no longer handle the things that I once handled. I want newer, easier challenges. I’m so confused.

I’m now safely ensconced in my parent’s home. But, my time here is running out. In less than 2 years from now, I have to fend for myself. I’ll have to face the world alone. I’ll need to find a job. I don’t even have any skills to market. What will I do? The current recession will make it all the more hard for me.

The more I think, the more I acknowledge the help that I’ve got in this difficult journey called life. The big breaks, the golden opportunities, all those compliments that I’ve received, all those lives that I’ve touched; I feel good about myself for all that. Contrast those to my feeling of insufficiency, all the times I’ve rejoiced or cried alone, been avoided or ignored by the ones whom I thought of as friends, the stinging bites of my closest allies, the times of strife, the nagging feeling that I was taken advantage of, the subtle undercurrents telling me that I’m not wanted, harsh words telling me that if I were to die the next day, no one would miss me.

Is this what I want? Why should I let my faith in humanity endure? Give me the life of a recluse, I say. Since I don’t get that, I keep fighting. It just isn’t in me to back down or give up, even in an impossible challenge. Will I suddenly be totally overcome and lose big, not able to fight anymore, battle scarred for life. Or will I emerge a victor. I don’t know. Meanwhile, I just keep fighting, hoping and praying for a better tomorrow. When will this tomorrow come?

“No man is an island”- I tried to prove that wrong. I was succeeding, and then came all those great minds to infuse in me the importance of love, trust and teamwork. Without these, they said I couldn’t get ahead in work or in personal life. They were right, so I sought all three. And that’s left me an embittered man. Why do I alone have to face so many challenges? Why can’t fate do a re-distribution? The path mapped out for me is not an easy one.

My passion- writing- is a lonely occupation. It pays no dividends now. The better I become at it, the more time I spend at it, which leaves me feeling alone, hollow and empty, with no one to care for me. Why is my passion not linked to teamwork, that mantra which you hear is the key to success in today’s world.

I have an inferiority complex and a superiority complex combined. The former gnaws me from the inside; the latter is a mere façade which I present to the world. I see so many people who are more realistic and comfortable, and I feel a twinge of envy. I set great store to a set of ideals, which is actually causing me to crumble.

I am not just writing this to tell you I have something to gripe about. I accept whatever fate chances to throw my way. All I want are answers. Why? Why me? You have answered me before when I had similar questions to ask. Merely asking you these questions have made me feel a whole lot better. I no longer need to ponder over these issues. You will provide me the reason. All I have to do is act on them, which is definitely do-able. I know I can depend on you to do the right thing for me. I thank you again for all that you have done for me, for taking the time to listen to me. Thank you, God.

Yours,
Kashyap

The Pursuits of Life

The pursuits of life are actually very simplistic, being nothing more than fulfilling certain needs, trying to attain a state of happiness or peace, or to enhance pleasure. Various models have been proposed to indicate what moves us in life.

MASLOW'S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS

A Theory of Human Motivation proposed by Abraham Maslow states that human needs can be categorized in the form of a pyramid, with the most primitive needs at the bottom.




The fulfillment of our needs starts from the bottom upwards, with the physiological needs being the first priority. It is only when the bottom level needs are satisfied that we even consider moving upwards. Maslow further stated that, once we go beyond a level, we do not devote much importance to that level’s needs, unless they are found to be really lacking.

A more elaborate explanation for this hierarchy of needs can be found here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hierarchy_of_needs

THE HAPPINESS FORMULA

A much simpler model, examining our needs, was proposed by the renowned cartoonist Scott Adams, dubbed The Happiness Formula. The main motivational factor, according to his theory, is happiness. This is not to be confused with hedonism.

The Happiness Formula:
Happiness= Health + Money + Social life + Meaning

Health is the most basic necessity, for ill health is a deterrent to enjoying the pleasures of the other three. Money, or financial security, is another necessity in this civilized world. However, it does not take precedence over health. Given a choice, people would be willing to trade off a little wealth for extra health.

Social life, including love and family life, comes third. Let’s face it, without at least the minimum of affluence, there will be no social life. Meaning can be interpreted in several ways. Briefly, it is that which imparts meaning to your life, something which you believe to be the purpose of your existence. It can be a spiritual quest, a philosophical or religious journey, service to God, nature or humanity et al.

IN HINDU SCRIPTURES

Hindu scriptures also depict the needs of humans, the difference being that the purpose of life is stressed, not just the needs. However, the purpose encompasses the needs. The four aims, as given in the Purusharthas are,

1. Dharma
2. Artha
3. Kama
4. Moksha

Dharma can be loosely translated to mean a virtuous living, upholding values such as truth, non-violence, righteousness and morality. Dharma is in itself a way of life.

Artha refers to material prosperity, the accumulation of wealth. A point to be noted here is, although Hinduism acknowledges and supports the need for accumulating wealth, it condemns greed and amoral ways of wealth gain.

Kama stands for the pleasure of the senses, for the aesthetic enjoyment of life, fulfillment of desire and sexual gratification.

The final aim, Moksha, or salvation, is liberation from the cycle of birth and death. Moksha is not idealistic, as if it was, it would be the first aim and not the last. Moksha is the final stage in life, which starts when a person becomes aware of the limitations of this material life and begins to transcend the physical world.

The Hindu scriptures also divide a person’s life into four stages: Brahmacharya (student life), Grihastha (household life), Vanaprasta (retired life) and Sanyasa (renunciation).
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THE CONCEPT OF HEDONISM

Hedonism is the philosophy that pleasure is the only worthy pursuit in life. That is, all humans try to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. According to this concept, all human actions are guided by self-interest; there is no such thing as altruism or selflessness. Charity, hedonists argue, is not altruistic, since it makes the giver feel good about it, i.e. it is also guided by self-interest, to arouse that feeling.

This concept was, however, successfully disputed by a thought experiment dubbed The Experience Machine. If an experience machine were created which could mimic all the pleasurable feelings a person could possibly want, and if the person is made to feel the experiences as real (not simulated), would that person choose the machine over real life? The answer is an emphatic NO, which destroys the concept of hedonism as the primary pursuit in life.
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THE PLEASURE PRINCIPLE

The pleasure principle, originated by Sigmund Freud, states that a person is driven to continuously seek pleasure and avoid pain. This is driven by the id, ego and super-ego. In a nutshell, the id is the part of the brain which strives to enhance pleasure, without giving a damn about anything else. The super-ego, in contrast to the id, acts as the conscience and represses the nonconforming desires of the id. The ego is the mediator, and takes the more realistic approach.

Freud also says that humans have a life drive and a death drive, which work in direct opposition to each other. The life drive strives to enhance pleasure, by repeating pleasurable acts. The death drive tries to numb the effects of negative feelings and emotions, by constantly repeating them until we no longer fear them. The paradox here is that the most pleasurable state is that which has zero stimulus (neither pleasure nor pain), death.

All of the above models have been the subject of much criticism, and none of them are infallible. Viewed together, they give us an understanding of what we ultimately desire from life.

Imported Content-2

*edited*

This blog post was unfortunately published when I had a good friendship going and so decided to publish X's poems.

ESCAPE

I feel like I'm walking through,
A neverending maze, and
Everytime I turn around
It's just another dead end.

I feel like I'm walking through,
A neverending tunnel, and
Everytime I reach the end,
There's just more darkness.

Take me away, help me escape,
From this prison, this world,
I need some air, I need to fly
I need to get out before it's too late.

I feel like I'm swimming through a neverending ocean
And everytime I swim for land, there's just more water.

I feel like I'm falling into a neverending abyss,
And everytime I try to get out, I just sink in deeper.

Take me away, help me escape,
Open the door and let me out
You hold the key, don't leave me,
Help me escape before it's too late.


NEW BEGINNING

Dew drops on a leaf,
Whispers in the wind,
A silent message nobody understands.

Pure and innocent like a child,
Taking one step at a time,
My life is just beginning.

I'm just starting to explore,
I'm being born once more
I'm trying to crack the code of life,
Unravel all its mysteries
Everything seems new,
My life is just beginning.

A shooting star,
A twinkle in the night sky,
A silent message nobody understands.

Pretty, fragrant, like a rose
I'm ready to bloom
My life is just beginning.

I'm just starting to explore,
I'm being born once more,
I'm trying to crack the code of life,
Unravel all its mysteries
Everything seems new,
My life is just beginning.

Merely reading her poems gives a sense of peace, draining stress and leaving you happy and contended. That's how I feel at any rate.

Comments

Quoting from my previous post, "A Helping Hand?" -> "I have this theory that if a person has ambition, he will come up no matter what caste he is born in, in spite of his financial situation, regardless of physical disabilities."

This year's U.S. presidential election has proved my point. Senator Barack Obama, an African- American, born to estranged parents, has won a landslide victory. What seperated him from the numerous other Afrian- Americans who languish in prisons, do menial chores or just don't come out of regarding themselves as oppressed. It is ambition, the drive to succeed. If you have ambition, the world is your oyster.

I had an intellectually stimulating discussion with my friend regarding my post "Empowerment through knowledge". He said knowledge is not the key, it is experience. I do admit that experience is important, but it is not the key issue. Knowledge can be obtained even by the inexperienced, but for experience to be obtained by them, they must first make a start as a fresher. Choosing between developing knowledge and developing experience, I would say that developing knowledge is more important, as, when we go through life, we will anyway gain experience. Here are a few arguments to support my view:

Venture capitalists fund ideas. They don't look for experience, as long as the idea is marketable and has a reasonable chance of bringing in profits. Ideas stem from creatively analyzing available knowledge.

Quoting from a book I recently read, Working with emotional intelligence- "In the chaotic modern world of work, the sheer volume of data- and the queasy feeling that we are falling behind in tracking it- can be a source of gnawing anxiety. One way to alleviate that anxiety is to monitor relentlessly what's going on, and so reduce the level of uncertainty. Information gathering minimizes unpleasant surprises and maximizes the likelihood of spotting and seizing potential opportunities.

Lastly, knowledge of all sorts helps in the sense that we critically examine whatever knowledge we take in, and even if it doesn't result in any work related benefits, it shapes our view of the environment around us, gives us a talking point in social gatherings, etc. And whereas experience comes naturally, knowledge does not.

I found a supportive view for my other post too, "3 things you need to get yourself a girlfriend." Few girls themselves have posted the following comments in a news article which started that women were attracted to smart men. Here is the link to the article:
ttp://abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=5951979&page=1

The comments: "What I do care about is respect, liking yourself enough to care what others think of you (dressing nice), having a plan of what you're doing with your life, so I can figure out whether I want to share it, and someone who likes me for me; all those require brains, not pecs. So stop whining, wash your clothes, grab a shower, shave; try to dress nicely, it doesn't have to be in style, as long as you're comfortable in your own skin."

"I have been with my boyfriend over a year and almost three months. And he isn't really on the "oh my God he's so sexy I wanna date him." When I started talking to him though, that's when I knew he was the one for me. The way he thinks about life and how interested he is in his education, just weirdly enough turns me on."

"I've always considered high intelligence to be extremely sexy. What's more, in my experience, brainier men are, on average, better in bed than the dumb jocks. That's one of the reasons I married one. On the other hand, even a smart man needs to offer a bit more than his intelligence. A badly-groomed, badly-dressed geek who was incapable of conversing on a variety of subjects and who had no interests outside of his work never excited me much. Take it from an Ivy League PhD who prefers brains to brawn: it is entirely possible for a man to be very smart and to present himself in a manner that attracts women, and he doesn't need to be an Adonis."

"I have been with my boyfriend over a year and almost four months. He's not much on the looker, good looking, just not all that.He is from Iowa, and the first thing that caught my eye was his intelligence.It turned me on."