The Reply

Dear Kash,

The questions you put forward, many people ask themselves the same questions. First off, acknowledge that everything that happens is a result of free will- mine, yours and others. Your actions, your feelings, your emotions, they are all your own. Take responsibility for them. Your self-confidence is what matters for you to get ahead in life. Nurture that, and temper it with compassion.

You asked me why I throw the same challenge at you over and over again. I throw it at you till you have completely mastered that challenge. The first time you surmount that challenge, you feel contended for having done it. The second time you face it, you fare even better, and your self-confidence grows. I do this till you no longer see it as a challenge. By repeating one test over and over again, it transcends from being formidable to piffling.

I give you time to rest, and you promptly take up a new challenge. You just don’t want to rest. You thrive on challenges. The only time you feel at peace with yourself is when you are pursuing a goal. You are an achiever. You just don’t want to sit back and enjoy life, and you know that. Happiness is accompanied by guilt; guilt that you are wasting time being happy rather than doing something useful.

The more you suffer, the more your emotional strength. When you are even denied what you justly deserve, that’s when you push yourself even harder, until you find your limits. The more you feel pain, the more immune you become to it. So, as you progress in life, the lesser pains don’t affect you. You are able to concentrate all your energy towards what needs to be done. That’s a very useful thing to be able to do.

It is stupidity to expect things from others. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you- sadly, this applies only to you, not others. It is only when they realize the impact of their actions will they change. In this hectic pace of life, where people look neither around nor back, but only forward, like a horse with tunnel vision, it is not reasonable to wish for that. De-sensitize yourself. Be realistic. Before expecting anything, see what’s in it for them. If they are not feeling rewarded, they won’t do it just for you. And people rarely make amends; they’d rather move on.

No one can handle what they once did. Your past self had a frame of mind to handle certain things. Your present self has the frame of mind to handle different things. Just as you cannot undo what’s already been done, you can’t redo it either. There are no second chances. Live with it. Be at peace with that. Newer challenges will always come your way. The difficulty level of a challenge does not depend on the amount of pain it causes. Each is unique in itself.

You rejoice or cry alone because you do not want to let someone else into your world. This is precisely the reason why you don’t even want a girlfriend. I admit you’ve tried to be more open and been betrayed; so much so that you’ve lost hope. Yet, you will have to let your faith in humanity endure. Let me tell you a story:

A sage gave his disciple an empty sack and a basket of potatoes. He told him to think of all those who had deeply offended him, carve each of their names on a potato, and to carry them around in a sack. The disciple carried the sack, at first, without any difficulty. Soon it started to hamper his movements and the potatoes started rotting, emitting a foul odor.

When you are unable to forgive others, you carry negative feelings with you everywhere. That negativity becomes a burden and festers. So forgive others. People will keep hurting you. The only way to fully avoid this negativity is to relinquish the sack itself. This is the Tao of forgiveness.

Your fate has been handed to you. You cannot do anything about it. It is not up to you to question your fate, but rather, to think of how to handle it now that it has come your way. You cannot change that which has happened. What you can do is extricate yourself from it and fight for what you want. Fight or flight. You are a fighter. You will fight.

If you know what your future holds in store for you, you will become complacent- if the future looks good, or resigned- if it looks bad. You can live in the present only if you don’t know what the future holds. You have an ambition, you work towards it, and step by step you will achieve it. If you have faith in yourself, the future is nothing to worry about.

Love, trust and teamwork are indeed important in today’s world. If you seek them, you will get them. Your rewards depend on the time and effort you put into it.

If you have an inferiority complex, you will strive to quell it. You will work harder to improve yourself, till you no longer feel inferior. It is a driving force, a motivator. Your ideals cause you pain, definitely, but they do not cause you to crumble. Even if you do crumble, you will grow stronger when you rebuild. You destroy something you love, so that you create a better version of it when you re-create it.

Follow your dreams, believe in Karma, forgive yourself and others, have confidence in yourself, be ambitious, fill your heart with love, open your soul to the spiritual world, take success and failure in your stride- you will get to where you want to be. You are what you are and what you are is good.