Ascent

Yesterday, I spoke to an old friend of mine for 10 minutes. Nothing so unusual about that, but it was for me. It was remarkable because she made me think: think about the big questions in life such as career, personal life, family, friends etc. Nothing remarkable in that either- everyone thinks about these, but it was remarkable for me because it changed my thinking.

What she said struck a chord. Here I was, going on a totally different track than I was used to. I needed a wake up call to slow down my pace of life.

For the past several months now, I have been pushing myself hard to prepare myself to enter a B-school. The pace has been hectic (but enjoyable), and the ride anything but smooth. I had cut myself off from almost everybody, surrounding myself with books. Slowly, I stopped writing, -one of my favourite activities- stopped reading books, just spent my time preparing, setting higher and higher targets. I couldn't sprint at this pace in a sustainable manner.

Then, I started slowing down, taking each moment as it comes, scrapping all my grand and elaborately constructed study plans. I did whatever I felt like doing at the moment, without pushing myself to devote such and such time to such and such topics. Surprisingly, I fared better. Unsurprisingly, I felt much better.

Yesterday, when she told me to not lose my friends, I understood. She was speaking from her own personal experiences. I'll not lose my friends, and I'll go a bit further than that: I'll get back to writing.

Kashyap is someone who is defined by the company he keeps, the books he reads, and importantly, his emotional outpourings in the form of articles, blog posts, diary entries et al. Renouncing all that in order to compete in a rat race is not a holistic way to live life. Eventually, these things will catch up with you. I can't go very long without putting pen to paper, nor can I do without all those things which define me, just as a race car can't sacrifice pit stops to save time.

That doesn't mean I'm pulling out of the CAT race. It just means I'm learning to balance all aspects of my life. I can run a 100m race at full speed, but not a 10km one.

I do have to admit, though, that all this effort was worth it, and if I had a chance to do it all over again, I'd do things no differently. But, for pointing some things out to me, due to which I started thinking things over, and for kindling these thoughts, I owe you one.

Thanks. You know who you are.

Failure

I admit I have failed. I have no qualms whatsoever in admitting failure. To quote Michael Jordan, "I have failed over and over and over again and that is why I succeed." I can recognize failure and live with it. To me, its worth losing a battle to win a war. After all, these defeats are our teachers. They teach you what victory can't. For a major victory, you need to have many defeats worth of experience under your belt. That's why serial entrepreneurs eventually succeed.

Wisdom comes from experience. Experience comes from failure. So in essence, wisdom is the sum total of all your failures. That's why a truly wise person is not young. I'm wise for my age, but I still have a long way to go.

I recognize the hand of destiny guiding me along my path. I trust in that hand to lead me to more experiences to enhance my learning. Victory or defeat, come what may, is a learning experience.

If you introspect, you'll realize that your failures paved the way for all your major successes. It's so for me. A person who has not failed has failed to try anything new!

Every experience starts at the beginning with failure, when you're new to it. So, how can you ever become good at something if you don't fail at it? You don't fail only if you keep on doing something which you have already mastered, in which case you are living in a cocoon.

So, don't be afraid of failure. Don't reward failure either, although you can celebrate and cherish it.

I end by quoting Thomas Alva Edison, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

The decline of man

Humans have supposedly evolved since the end of Ice Age- through Stone Age, Iron Age, etc. aided by discoveries and inventions such as fire, wheel, metal works et al. We have recently passed through the Industrial Revolution, mass production, moved on to a technological age, and are now in the middle of an Information Revolution, shifting from blue-collar to white-collar jobs, where knowledge workers are most sought after.

Man, through the ages, has become better at manipulating nature and is now so adept at it that he is able to live in a completely artificial environment. We fly objects heavier (denser) than air, we’ve built an underwater hotel, constructed an artificial island, drilled deep into the Earth to extract natural resources, and even gone beyond the Earth: landed on the Moon, sent probes to Mars, built an International Space Station and ousted the Moon from its hitherto privileged position of being the Earth’s only satellite.

We have advanced so much technologically that we have our own virtual world, can view three-dimensional images from a two-dimensional screen, even store 3D images (hologram). We may even be on the verge of determining the origin of the universe (LHC).

All this proves that man is getting smarter over time; it is no more a Darwinian Survival of the Fittest world. In fact, society is judged by how well it protects its weak. The common man now leads a much more comfortable life than even the kings of old. We have shed all our resemblances to the primitive man. A new age for man has arrived. A smarter man in a better planet.

Is that really so?

Has man really become smarter over time?

Consider three dimensions of man- physical, mental and spiritual.

In the physical realm, man has definitely grown weaker in recent times. The average urban youth expends less energy than his predecessors. Muscles atrophy without use. An anthropologist has confirmed this trend, stating that even Olympic gold winners are physically no match for the ancients.

Still not convinced? Picture an ancient monument built with stone. Can modern man match those structures without the aid of current technology? We as a generation are physically weaker than our ancestors.

True, we may be physically weaker, but that’s only because the evolutionary advantage conferred by physical strength is less now. We need to exercise our brain more than brawn.

Our intellectual capability has not increased over time. Rather, our technological dependence has. We are outsourcing our brain’s work to computers. You might argue that this is natural progress from the abacus. And we still have to design algorithms. So we are at least intellectually on par with our ancestors.

Let us look at three fields- art, science and mathematics.

Artists of note- Michelangelo Buonarroti, Leonardo da Vinci, Vincent van Gogh, Pablo Picasso- are all dead and gone, the last of whom, Picasso, passed away in 1973. To date, they are still legends in the art world. No famous artist since their time has come up to their league.

Still, this doesn’t prove my point. History seems to recognize artists only after their time. But, in this inter-connected world, where fame spreads faster, we still haven’t heard of any great artists. Art is dead anyway, so let us look at classical music.

In Western classical music, there is still no one to match Beethoven (who composed even after losing his hearing!) or Mozart. In Indian classical music, Tyagaraja is still revered. Great singers sing his compositions.

Shakespeare still reigns supreme as the bard of English literature. Homer’s works are still considered epic. To date, Ramayana and Mahabharata are the most comprehensive epics which contain answers to deep philosophical questions.

There exists no profound modern works with as much depth as our religious scriptures, which, if you know where to look, contain the answer to every question.

In fact, we have deteriorated so much that we cannot even decipher or understand these great works!

Take science. We have made a lot of progress, true. Science accepts and discards new theories based on new evidence, after careful evaluation. It is not a clear progression- it is a series of continuous progressions and regressions which ultimately produces a fundamental breakthrough.

The greatest breakthroughs in science were all made by the previous generations: the theory of relativity, the law of gravitation, Newton’s laws of motion, electricity and magnetism, Archimedes’ principle, the list goes on...

That’s not the complete picture. We have advanced in quantum mechanics, gone beyond the atom, propounded string theory, bent light, and may soon discover the origins of the universe. So, we can confidently say that we have advanced in science.

Yes, we have advanced so much in science that we can now destroy the Earth much more easily than before. The combined nuclear arsenal of all countries can annihilate all mankind.

When man shifted his attention from pure science to engineering and technology, he lost his scientific temper. The burning curiosity to discover the world we live in has faded away. Man now works on ideas which have a monetary value. Experiments are now conducted not to advance research, but to monetize it. We live in a world where every researcher wants to patent his ideas, to use it to gain an advantage over the common man, rather than contribute freely to the cause of human scientific advancement.

Where science serves as a vassal to money and power, there will be no true science. Art for art’s sake and science for science’s sake is the way to progress.

Living in the modern world, we have become slaves to money, fallen into a rut, dulled our faculties with boredom and drudgery, thus deteriorating our mental ability.

What is the single most important breakthrough in the field of mathematics?

Zero.

Like science, mathematics was also subjugated to money. It bred the financial services sector. It complicated the world so much that at one point, it became a tool of greed and deceit. And the world came crashing down…

People threw good money after bad money, without knowing what they were doing, in a mad rush to get rich quick, led by the nose by unscrupulous corporate entities who disguised the true nature of the investment. The value they got out of this?

Zero.

Advances in mathematics- risk modeling, quantitative finance, actuaries- are all for money. It has complicated the world so much that it made people rush into investments without regarding the fundamentals. Investments were made on faith, because no one could comprehend the fundamentals.

The entire world deserves a big F in mathematics. Progress in mathematics has only led to a collapse- of investor confidence, of people’s hopes of financial stability. It has swallowed up retirement savings, made people lose their faith in their government and corporates; in short, it has led to a loss of trust, the foundation on which society is built.

Have we advanced or deteriorated? Are we really better human beings now?

Morally and spiritually, we have again degraded. Fat bonuses and golden parachutes to unethical executives, all paid from taxpayers’ money. Increase in the number of broken homes, violent crime, drug, alcohol and cigarette abuse, widespread corruption, a see no evil hear no evil attitude to tales of sexual harassment.

Atheists who call God a delusion, anti-theists who mock all theists and consider themselves supreme, godmen who cheat the gullible masses, communalists and jihadists who seek peace through violence, sadists who take pleasure in the slaughter of innocent animals, proselytizers who pay money for conversion, spiritual guides who tweak the scriptures to serve their own selfish needs.

Taken by and large, all this seems to point toward the decline of man. We are physically weak, morally corrupt, intellectually inept and spiritually disinclined.

Is this the future of humanity? Is it all downhill from here?

Maybe not.

There have been no great wars since 1945.

There have been no dire famines in a long time.

Life expectancy has increased due to advancement in medical technology.

There are much fewer dictatorship regimes.

More and more people are embracing the social cause.

There is resurgence in traditional practices like yoga, ayurveda, meditation, pranayama etc.

More people are environment conscious.

Maybe we are at cross-roads, where we have to choose between more darkness and a new dawn.

Maybe we are now waking up, and will choose the right path.

If a wound does not cause pain, we do not acknowledge its existence. We realize the pain now. This may lead to healing.

Evolution is never a straight path forward. It is a series of few steps forward and a few steps backward. We move back and forth and in the end we advance a little. We may soon advance.

It is said that the hour is darkest just before dawn. The dark hours of humanity may now be behind us.

We are soaring in the skies, rising through the dark clouds, beyond which lies a brilliant sunshine.

We are approaching our Utopian dream.

Someday, we shall achieve it.

So no, I refuse to believe in the decline of man.

An extract from my diary

I feel so peaceful after reading a travelogue about the Himalayas. I'm surrounded by the sound of silence with no sense of urgency, which reinforces this tranquility. These moments of bliss have to be enjoyed with the people you love. I'm enjoying it alone.

I went for a walk in the park in the morning. That was peaceful too. I was the only person there. Nothing to block my view of nature. You see nature in all its pristine glory if you take a walk just after it rains. A rainbow would have completed the spectacle but I didn't even notice its absence when I was drinking in the sights.

I hear birds chirping outside the window now. I have the three windows on the left side of my room open, the door closed, and I'm sitting alone and writing this, undisturbed. Outside, I hear a child talking.

A more creative person or a naturalist will probably appreciate this peace more than I do. I can truly appreciate this to the best of my ability now. I can understand why artists are a breed apart. They get this in a way no one else does. I'm neither happy nor sad, just floating in a spiritual trance. It is a sort of euphoria which you can rarely enjoy, and it is also very fleeting. I love nature.

I write like I am possessed with a writing spirit. Didn't feel like taking the pen off the paper. The words come through in a rush. I don't feel like doing anything now. I'm in a sort of reverie. I don't even feel the need to do anything. I can go on writing.

I have no sense of time nor emotion. It feels like I'm floating in a timeless zone in the middle of nothingness. It is a place devoid of anything, but with no void to fill, no emptiness. It just exists, as do I and the world around me. I didn't have to go into meditation to achieve this. All I had to do was write, and drink in the beauty of nature, staring out of my window.

Right brain users are blessed indeed. They don't need to adhere to any norms. They are able to appreciate life and nature more (and music too) which is a rare gift. A gift which is very hard to cultivate, as I've found out. If it involves doing something, I can surely get it. As it is about art, beauty and nature, it is a little harder to get at. You can only get it if you don't try hard to get it. You have to let go and suspend yourself in a trance. I feel I have had the first glimpse of this boundless joy. These memories shall stay.

I slept really well last night. A deep sleep which lasted for nearly 11 hours. Sleep is pleasant when you don't have to get up early the next day and work. You can really relax and rid your mind of all commitments and stresses generated during the day.

You have to enjoy these days when everything is in your favour. The weather is extremely pleasant, you have all the time in the world, you're in blissful solitude surrounded by silence. These times are sent to us to teach us a lesson- to not take life seriously but to enjoy each passing day. They also make you spiritual. Such moments clear your mind. You're fresher than a blank slate.

There is no future, no past. I'm living in the moment, opening myself to this experience, for who knows, soon it may be no more.

The Real Me

I'm not the kind of guy to wash my dirty linen in public. I didn't want to blog about personal things when I first started blogging. I've been true to that till now, barring a few exceptions. Somehow, recently, there is this inner urge to just let go and express everything in my heart here, in plain sight for all my friends and well-wishers. As I sit in front of the PC and mull things over, this urge is getting stronger. So here I am typing, at 10:55 PM, a night before a day before my University exams (7th sem) start. What follows is going to be totally random, without any unifying theme.

I'm thinking about a blog post by Scott Adams in which he highlights the best defects to have. He says: " I assume other people want me to go away as soon as I show up. It’s probably not always true, but I like to play it safe. A little bit of me goes a long way. That’s why I try to leave before I use up my welcome. It’s a tight window."
Carl: “Hi, Scott."
Me: “Gotta go.”

I'm reminded of this because I feel that way now. I feel I've used up the entire welcome mat, dirtied it, trashed it and torn it into quark sized leptons. It's like, I'm the nerdy guy in the comic strip who desperately tries to win a date with a female who eggs him on to make an utter fool of himself.

I'm also thinking about something I read in a friend's blog: "Before leaving to church one day I decided to ask my friends if they wanted me to pray for anything. All my friends immediately replied asking me to pray for something or the other for them (absolutely nothing wrong with that), all except for one friend. He asked me to pray for everyone’s health and happiness, not just for himself. It really touched my heart that he thought of others and wanted to pray for them. It made me realize that goodness and love can even be spread through our thoughts and prayers."

In Sanskrit, we have a prayer for it. Loka samastha sukino bhavanthu. (All the world's people should be healthy). I'm not quite sure of my translation, but it's something along those lines.

For the past two weeks or so, I've been contemplating love. As i delved into this, I realized a lot of things. I realized that, firstly, I'm not the type of person who attracts love. Reticence isn't an asset for love. Secondly, love is more about responsibility and commitment than a wondrous feeling. I'll not get into the rest here.

I'm also thinking about this: "All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

I've been fascinated by the words 'No man is an island.' That fascination is still strong even though I've mulled over it so many times.

To close this totally random ramblings of a lonely soul, I quote one of my favourite sayings-
"People are often unreasonable,
illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish or ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God
It was never between you and them anyway."

If you've read till here, give yourself a reward. You deserve it.

Of games, and of gamers Part II

Ever since I stopped gaming, I've become quite preachy about gaming. When I used to play, I used to go by the quote "Everything I know in life I learned through playing Ragnarok Online." Now, I'm advising my friends to control their gaming impulses and do something productive instead. Double standards, you may cry, and perhaps you are even justified in saying that. There is a reason for this change. Read on.

This blog post was actually triggered by a RO text file I have on PC, in which I've copy pasted a few lines from some random guy's signature in some forum I visited long ago:

"Those who accuse us for being mindless gamer freaks are nothing but naive human beings. They think they know us, and they judge us, but in reality, they know nothing about our world. They are not aware that we are mathematicians; we compute to manage our financial assets and create the greatest character build throughout the whole Midgard. They are not aware of the flawless hand-eye coordination that we possess and use in order to battle against enemies that lurk around us. They are not aware of the relationships that we bridge, and that we mix trust, honesty, loyalty, and camaraderie (friendship) into it. They are not aware that we are artists and poets who bring creativity to brighten up our own little community. They are not aware that we are tacticians who are the best in developing strategies for wars against our foes. They are not aware that we do live to the fullest, just not in the way they, the society, think we should. We should not let them bring us down. This is a campaign to keep our passion burning despite what others might say! ROK on guys!"

All in all, this is something every gamer can identify and agree with. Here's where I deviate: A virtual world which has all the good aspects of a real world one can expect in a game, is still a virtual world.

If you say your reality (you, me, the Universe) actually exists and is not in itself an illusion- let us not get into that now by the way- then, does it not make more sense for you to enter one world fully (reality) than have a leg each on two different worlds (reality and fantasy).

For the sake of argument, let us assume that we cannot explore either world to our heart's desire in this life. So, choosing between a game and reality is akin to choosing between a 10% progress bar in two games and a 25% progress bar in one. This one game has to be played whether you want to or not, it is the game called life. So why not stick to just one reality than fragment your time with multiple worlds.

I can find an obvious counter point to my own argument: Your reality does not encourage your unique creativity, humour, computational skills and the friendships you formed. A fantasy game which brings all these collectively to the table as well as entertains, is an enriching real-life experience which will stand you in good stead as you develop as a human being.

True. I've been lucky enough to have had this experience too. That's why I don't denounce gaming or subscribe to any of the social stigmas concerning gaming. My approach (the reason I stopped playing) was from an economic perspective. If, instead of playing, I use that time to build my career, I'll have a more fulfilling real life. Once I gain financial independence, my whole life is in my hands. I can probably enjoy much better games too, after retirement. That made sense to me.

Instead of advancing two progress bars side by side, I'm advancing just one, a bit faster. That's just my choice. As Robert Frost says-

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. "
(The Road Not Taken)

UPDATE: Just got this comment from the person I took the quote from:
"Hello, I am the writer of the passage you quoted. Isn't it funny, I randomly remembered that I wrote this a while back, so I tried looking for it, but I couldn't find it on my hard drive. I took my chance and googled a few lines I could remember, then I stumbled upon your blog. Huh. LOL. Just a few words from me: Kudos to you for choosing to advance only one progress bar! :) Yay! I sooooo wanted to do that before, to quit, and just quit, but I really couldn't. So hats off to you! I guess my life is so just so intertwined with the game that it's virtually impossible. Heck, I even met my future husband in that game. (Seriously.) So this is what I decided to pursue: BALANCE. I admit, I wrote that passage a while back when I was less mature. However, I am happy to report that even though I am still playing the game, I am also pursuing a very successful real life career (which pays for my car, my lattes, and my stilettos! lol!). Anyway, enough of my babbling. To sum it up, glad you found your happy ground. :) -tari saralonde P.S. No, I'm not a random "guy", I'm a random "girl". :)"

Deepavali

The grandest festival celebrated in India: Deepavali. Fondly referred to as the festival of lights. Unfortunately, the grandeur associated with this festival is falling short in cities. City slickers are far removed from the roots of their religion and hence view it with disfavour. To office goers, all deepavali means is a two day holiday. People don't seem to appreciate this festival as much as they should.

Here are the main reasons people give to not celebrate deepavali:
1. Bursting crackers causes pollution.
2. I don't believe in festivals.

I'll address point no. 2 first. All humans celebrate festivals. For instance, did you know that Olympics was originally a festival of the Greeks? Now it is celebrated the world over. By watching the sporting events, you are celebrating a festival. All sports started as festivals. The icing on the cake is, if you're into sports, you are celebrating someone else's festival while scorning your own. And you probably do not know how Deepavali originated.

Deepavali is our festival to celebrate the triumph of good over evil. To many, it now symbolizes the triumph of Lord Rama over Ravana, but there are other roots for the festival too. If Deepavali was westernized, it would be the celebration of the end of WWII and all that it symbolized: triumph of the Allies against the Axis of Evil, a victory for democracy over fascism and nazism. And the ones you see mocking our religion now would probably celebrate such a festival, blindly imitating the west.

Anyway, if you really do not believe in any festival, why don't you work during festival days. Decline your company's holidays and go to work. If you don't believe in festivals, why act like you do and waste productive time mocking those who do.

Some say bursting crackers causes pollution and therefore we should not indulge in it. Fine. Your electricity usage causes pollution too, so how about living in a hut with no lights, fan or AC? (Electricity is produced by thermal power plants which burn coal as a fuel. This releases black smoke which settles over the surrounding area and also pollutes the land).

There is, however, a rational argument against bursting crackers which I concede. You say it is unnecessary pollution which can be avoided. I'll accept this viewpoint, but also show you why I differ.

Firstly, there is no such thing as 'necessary pollution'. Pollution for economic development is a westernized idea, which we have blindly accepted without question. You don't really need to go to shopping malls to shop, or buy products wrapped in fancy plastics. Those things pollute, but you accept it saying it as a part of development. You can argue over this, but that sparks an entirely different debate so I'll present another idea to support my view.

The per capita pollution of the developed nations is the highest in the world. Here's a simple equation to put that in perspective.

More money= more purchasing power
More purchasing power=more consumption
Consumption=Pollution

Also, if you look at pollution statistics, you can see that basically every activity pollutes, directly or indirectly. A Google search releases as much as 7g of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. And there are millions of Google searches being made every day. Now THAT is pollution.

Volcanic eruptions cause massive pollution and they occur very frequently (if you count the ones which occur underwater too). Plus, factor in the pollution caused by all the wars going on in the world now.

Now, think over this: Does all this pollution caused all over the world make you happy? No. Will enjoying a spectacular fireworks display with your family to celebrate an auspicious occasion symbolizing the triumph of good over evil make you happy? You answer the question.

Don't be fooled into giving up your happiness for the sake of the environment.

Have a happy (and safe) Deepavali :)

Update: The air pollution levels were down in Chennai this time. Also, the noise pollution levels were down. The change was apparently due to the preference for aerial fireworks as opposed to the 'vedis'. These were splendorous, comparatively environment-friendly, more interesting to watch: a win-win scenario in all.