Employability skills

I use the term skills in a very broad way, not just adhering to the actual definition of it. By skills, I mean the competencies a person must exhibit or possess. What factors most in today's job market?

1. Language proficiency
2. Technical expertise
3. Stress resilience
4. Emotional intelligence
5. Developing contacts

Language proficiency is a must. Language is only a medium for communication, but poor language offends many people. It may also make your statements ambiguous. Poor language is a deterrent for advancement in any career.

Technical expertise is obviously necessary. It is the reason for your employment. Technical expertise is your expertise in your chosen field, be it engineering or consulting or training. Caveat: Improvement in this competence alone does not ensure a promotion or better career opportunities.

Stress is a part of every job these days. People who are unable to handle stress lose focus and waste time in non-productive activities. Stress resilience, or a resistance to stress, is therefore a much desired quality, particularly in a dynamically changing job environment.

Emotional intelligence, an emerging concept, is defined by wiki as an ability, capacity, skill or a self-perceived ability, to identify, assess and manage the emotions of one's self, of others and of groups. It is more well-known as soft skills, communication skills, aptitude, leadership qualities etc. The importance of EI is just getting established.

Developing business contacts is important to your career. With the current trend of downsizing here to stay, getting job offers depends on the goodwill and trust you build with your associates. It's not what you know, its who you know. Although that may be an exaggeration, without the right contacts, even with technical expertise, it may be difficult to land a job. When it comes to entrepreneurs, freelancers and consultants, it is even more important.

Above all, you need luck. Luck is generally on the side of those who have done something to deserve it.

Funny Translations

Humour sells. Period. The works of P.G. Wodehouse, all the Laurel and Hardy comics, Dennis the Menace etc. bear testimony to the fact. There is no dearth of humour in TV shows or movies either. One as yet unexplored faction of humour is the English-> Regional language translations.
Ever seen an English movie in Tamil? No matter what movie it is, it will be hilarious!

Go get him!( Avana poi pudinga) LOL!!

The translation of the movie names is mind boggling. Here are a few translations me and my friend discussed:
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull-> Indiana Jonesum manda odu rajjiyamum
Iron Man-> Irumbu manidhan
Spider Man-> Ettu(8) kaal poochi manidhan
Batman-> Vowwal manidhan
Superman-> Arputhamaana manidhan
The Incredible Hulk-> Pachai manidhan
Gossip Girl-> Purali ponnu
One tree hill-> Oru mara malai
Hellboy-> Narakathoda paiyyan
Fantastic Four-> Rombha arbuthamaana naalu peru
Wall-E-> Saeviru-E
Trunk Call-> Munda kooval (Munda meaning body without head aka trunk)
Meet the Parents-> Pettha vangala paarunga
300-> Munnooru
Baby's Day Out-> Kozhandai veliya pora naal
Kindergarden Cop-> LKG policekaaran (this one is really hilarious!)
The Girl Next Door-> Pakkathu veetu ponnu (not bad)
Gone in Sixty Seconds-> Aruvadhu second la kaanaam poidichu (or in chennai tamil, aruvadhu second la apeeeetu machi)
Gone with the Wind-> Kaathoda poidichu
Wonder Woman-> Aschariyamaana penn
My Super Ex-Girlfriend-> Enndo arbuthamaana palaisu kaadhali (My God!)
What Women Want-> Penngalikku enna venum
Cheaper by the Dozen-> Panandu vangina thallubadi
Evil Dead-> Ketta Saavu
The Shutter-> Moodi
The Happening-> Nadakkaradhu
Lady in the Water-> Thannila irukkara penn
Wanted-> Thevaiyanadhu
Get Smart-> Arivaliya maaru
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines-> Savadhikarapaiyan3: Machinegal endirikaradhu
Chronicles of Narnia-> Narnia odha kadha
Bruce Almighty-> Bruce kadavul
How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days-> Oru paiyyana eppadi pathu naal la thorathividrathu
Honey I shrunk the kids-> Thaenn naan pasanagala chinnada aaki vitein
Pursuit of Happyness-> Santoshatha thoratharadhu
Resident Evil-> Ketta Thangaramanishan
Father of the Bride-> Kalyana ponnoda appa
Catch me if you can-> Pudikka mudinja pudi
The Bucket List-> Vaali pattiyal (Insane!) (or kodam oda porulgal)
Hills Have Eyes-> Malaigalukku kanngal irukku
Jungle Book-> Kaatu pusthagam
The Green Mile-> Pachai mile
The Ladykillers-> Pennkolaikarangal
Total Recall-> Muzhu nyabhagampadteekaradu
The Miracle Worker-> Adhisayapiravi
Homealone-> Veetla thaniya irukkan
The Departed-> Kalambhipoitan
Secondhand Lions-> Rendavadhukaiyyoda singamgal
Blood Diamond-> Rathhathoda vairam
Liar Liar-> poi solran poi solran!
The world is not enough-> Indha ulagam poradhu
True Lies-> Nejamaana poigal
A Beautiful Mind-> Azhagaana moolai
The Grudge-> Andha pazhee
The Last Holiday-> Kadaisee vidumorai
Maid In Manhattan-> Manhattanla irukkara velakaari
The Mummy Returns-> Aatha thirumbi vanthaa
Sleepy Hollow-> Thoongura pallam

In WWE,
Stone Cold-> Kallu Kuluru
Kane(The big red machine)-> Periya segappu machine
Stone Cold's dialogue: And thats the bottomline 'cos stone cold said so-> Apparam adhu dhan keelu codu yenna Kallu kuluru sonnadhu
Brock Lesnar: Here Comes The Pain
In Tamil: Inga varudu valee

A dubbed WWE program is a must watch!!

Best ones are yet to come..
Linkin Park-> Ottra poongavanam
Backstreet Boys-> Pinnadi theru pasanga
Westlife-> Maerku vazhkai

Hope you all had a good laugh! Keep up the high spirits.

A helping hand?

Yesterday I had this argument with my friend on whether bringing up the so-called poor classes was really necessary. According to Darwin's theory of evolution, only the fittest of the species survive and their genes are passed on to the next generation. Thus, our genes are selectively screened and only the useful ones are kept in the gene pool. If we keep giving life support to the people who do not possess this 'survival' gene, won't the poor continue to depend on us and not come up on their own?

Nature has its way of screening. The swift tigers get their prey. Hence, speed is a desirable trait in tigers. Likewise, the swift deers stand a sporting chance of escaping death. This is nature's way of balancing things. The slow tigers die of starvation and the slow deers die an early death. If, suppose, we interfered in this by providing a helping hand to the slow deers and tigers, are we not guilty of not encouraging talent? Breeding animals with this trait will defeat the purpose of evolution.

Some may argue that man is above the other animals, hence the theory of evolution does not hold true for him. But I disagree. Man is a product of evolution.

I have this theory that if a person has ambition, he will come up no matter what caste he is born in, in spite of his financial situation, regardless of physical disabilities. Take Helen Keller for example, she suffered from multiple disabilities. Our ex-president Dr. Abdul Kalam was also not from a very affluent family. And there are so many people from the so-called 'backward classes' who now have a comfortable position in life. If these people could make it, why can't the others? The reason is that the ones who haven't come up don't have the ambition to do so. There are plenty of opportunities, yet these people choose not to take them.

Many people have this flawed concept of altruism. It is not selflessly giving to those in need, it is giving to those who deserve it. Once a poor drunkard, always a poor drunkard. You can't change him even if you give him enough money to start a business. He will spend it on booze, run the business to the ground and stay poor, and also blame you for his failures. Once you start giving, people will try to swindle you by telling you their sob stories, how desperately in need of money they are. The people who ask repeatedly are generally the ones who least deserve it. All the beggars you see on the streets should be discouraged. They are too lazy to work because they get things free, while we have to work for each and every paise we earn. And we pay taxes so that the government can help these people.

A relief camp was set up in Orissa during one of their never ending natural calamities. The first day the victims took refuge there, they were grateful. Soon, they started demanding more. They wanted more money, better living conditions. They start asking as though it is their birthright, 'cos they are 'victims' of a cruel nature. Even a few years down the line, they were still 'recovering'. Why the heck should anyone even lend a helping hand to such people? They should be left to their own devices, even if they starve and die it is good riddance.

The tsunami victims, many of whom were from the poor fishermen community, took the help of the NGOs to rebuild their fishing boats and went back to the same sea that had claimed the lives of many of their kin. These are the people who bounce back from any obstacle that fate throws their way. It is the same case with the earthquake victims in Bhuj. They bounce back. Once they get over their emotional turmoil, they face hard reality and realise that they can either spend their entire lives thinking of themselves as victims to circumstances, or they can rebuild their old life. They make a choice. It is such people who really need the helping hand of society, not all the lazy people who expect things to fall on their plate just because they are poor. For such people, society has always been there to help.

A beggar in front of the India Gate revealed that he earnt Rs. 500/- a day begging. It was a major news article. He even had a bank account. A hardworking labourer earns Rs.100/- a day. That is a big sum for him. He feels proud that he is earning so much and coming up by sheer effort. Say this beggar meets this labourer. He will jeer at him for working so hard and still earning less than him. The labourer quits his job and starts begging. India loses a worker and gains yet another person living on charity. Every coin you toss a beggar demoralises the labourer who feels he is not getting just compensation for his efforts. You are working against the very cause you support by encouraging begging, even more so if it is a child beggar.

Now some wise ass will remark that not all beggars earn Rs. 500/- a day so it is ok to give them money. Do you know that a lot of these beggars are actually people who have escaped from the various welfare or rehabilitation centres set up by the benevolent NGOs? If you ask them why, they will tell you that the conditions there are terrible. In some cases, it is genuinely so. Afterall, corruption has its hold on even the social workers. But most of the time, they escape because the NGOs will put them to work to make them atleast contribute a little towards their keep. They don't want to work. They want things free. So they come to the streets and beg, and by supporting them you undermine the cause of these welfare homes.

Sudhir and Mathi are two students in Class XII. They both work hard and secure 90% in the Board Exam. Sudhir gets his seat in the college and course of his choice. Mathi doesn't. Reason: Sudhir belongs to the backward community whereas Mathi does not. Seeing how the system is against him, although he is equally meritorious, he goes into depression. His parents cannot afford to pay capitation fees to get him into college. His hopes and dreams shattered, he reflects on just how unjust the whole caste system really is. There are many people in India like Mathi. Eventually, they forget and accept our society with all its flaws. But deep down, this injustice rankles. Later on, Sudhir will proudly proclaim that although he was from a backward community, he rose up through sheer merit, and he will produce his mark sheet to bear testimony to his statement. The media will eat up his story and we will believe it. Only Mathi will know the actual truth.

We Indians call our nation as secular, yet we slowly widen the rift between the various castes and religions by our practices. Are we all not guilty of hypocrisy? Looking at the state of our country, where hard work and effort is not rewarded but laziness, lethargy and caste are amply rewarded, can any Indian feel proud about his country?

Empowerment through knowledge

I hold a strong conviction that knowledge is power. Knowledge encompasses not only the knowledge obtained through formal education, but also the knowledge obtained through books, movies, television and social interactions, as well as the intuitive knowledge gained through analysis of data. Knowledge is defined as the psychological result of perception and learning and reasoning.

Formal education is still the core process for the inculcation of knowledge. Infact, a recent survey of economists has shown that education is the key economic issue. An educated society is the first step towards achieving utopia.

Critics often regard subjects such as history, civics, etc., as unnecessary or useless. They argue brilliantly that we don't use this knowledge in our daily lives, hence it is useless to learn it. Most people don't use calculus either, yet that is perceived as important. Subjects like history actually help in shaping the mind of a student. Anyone even remotely familiar with history can see that history tends to repeat itself. WW1 was followed by WW2. Knowledge about what went on in the past will shape the future. It is said that one must experience misery in order to appreciate happiness. Similarly, one has to know the darkness that engulfed humanity in the past in order to strive for a bright and peaceful future.

Books are the main source for knowledge. Fairy tales and children's books influence the perceptions of a child, swaying him into the socially accepted values and developing positive traits. Non-fiction serves the same purpose.

The visualization of books, movies, has currently become a highly influential media for spreading knowledge. People not in the habit of reading books derive their knowledge from watching movies and documentaries. However, since movies don't generally leave much to the imagination, they kill creativity. Creativity stems from imagination. Even then, movies are comparable to books as a source of knowledge.

Humans being social animals, social interactions also play a key role in knowledge assimilation. A healthy debate or discussion deepens our understanding as well as widens the horizon of our perception. The synergistic effects of brainstorming cannot be denied.

Education, media and social interactions are the tools for gaining knowledge. Granted. How does knowledge lead to empowerment?

Take the case of the presidential candidates. What wins the election for them is the ability to convince the voters that they are competent and will make good use of their position of power. Knowledge serves them here. The more knowledgeable and extraverted person has an edge in the polls.

An inventor or scientist comes up with groundbreaking technology by comparing and experimenting with already available knowledge. In these highly specialized fields, knowledge is at a premium and goes a long way towards harnessing the creative energy of the researcher.

Social issues like the empowerment of women in India, abolition of child labour, AIDS awareness are also tackled by providing knowledge because only with knowledge comes empowerment.

So, start collecting knowledge. It empowers you, makes you more confident when you take decisions and best of all, it can never be taken away from you.

Success

Success is getting what you desired after making an all-out effort to achieve it. For some outcome to be a success, it should not be insignificant for the person concerned who views it as a success. Also, an outcome that was brought about sub-consciously is also a success.

Why do people brag about their successes?

1. To impress others- It is human nature to crave attention and recognition. The best way to create a positive impact on a person’s mind is by highlighting your successes.
2. To quell doubts- When a person is suffering from low self-esteem, he will want someone else to tell him what a great person he really is.

Modesty is also not good. If you really have done something great, why do you want to downplay it? The reward for a job well done is recognition. Self-satisfaction can only take you so far. The modest ones crave to be praised for their modesty as well as for their successes!

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People define success in many ways. Success may be taken to mean achieving recognition in a particular field. Fame and fortune may also be taken as a success. According to me, having true friends is the hallmark of success.

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I have tasted the success that comes from the fulfillment of my goals and desires. I have also reveled in the emotions of loving and being loved. In order to be unambiguous, let me define love. In this context, love is the sum total of love from various people in my life. Deeply loving someone gives us courage, which being loved deeply by someone gives us strength. The one person who has both is the only one who has actually been a success.

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Accolades can be given the term material success. They are a point of honor in the current society. Therefore, material success is no doubt necessary, but it is inferior to actual success. Simply put, praise from a close friend or admirer is closer to the heart than an award conferred by a mere acquaintance or stranger.
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There are some deeds for which no medal can be given. Take abstract paintings, for example. They strike a different chord in different people and can therefore not be judged. Maintaining a diary is another example. It serves a purpose only for the writer. A lot can be found out from a person’s diary than from actual interaction with that person.

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Ironically, people who have a lot of support from family and friends don’t realize that is in itself a success. Not everyone has strong support at the home front. It is the ones without this support who actually realize the value of strong support.

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Material success comes to both these kinds of people. But it doesn’t last for the ones who lack support. Such persons will face emotional insecurity at some point of time or the other and will need motivation and encouragement from others, the absence of which will cause their downfall. The ones who do have support will have a lasting material success, while still being a true success. It is this state of affairs that everyone should strive to obtain. Either is easy for any normal person; combined, it is a hard target.

The difficult can be done at once. The impossible just takes a while longer.

Repetition as a way to reach God

I thought of this one morning, sitting in the bus on my way to college. That was several months ago. Atlast, I'm taking the time to fully express my thought.

The title is Repetition as a way to reach God. First, let me clarify what I mean by using the term God. I don't mean God in the sense of religion. Reaching God, meaning bringing us closer to God. I argue that a feeling of contentment and peace brings us closest to God. I can't imagine myself as feeling close to God, when I am, say, ruled by prejudice and resentment. So I start with the presumption that when we have a feeling of contentment and peace, that is when we are closest to God.

Repetition can be the means of achieving this sense of peace and contentment. Generally, people who repeat the same actions day after day are perceived as falling into a rut. This may not, however, be the case with all.

Take the case of a bus driver who plies along the same route day after day, transporting people from one place to another. To a casual observer, he is just repeating the same actions, with no scope for growth and improvement. However, the bus driver may find so many changes in his repetitious act. The very first time he drives along that route, he will be unfamiliar with it. Soon, he will know the route fairly well, and as if by intuition, will know the traffic conditions along that route. He may also notice the several landmarks in his route and other repetitious actions performed along that route, say, the opening of a shop at a specific time. As time progresses, he may expend lesser per cent of his conscious mind in monitoring his actions, only reacting to sudden variations with increased conscious effort. That is, the more he drives, the more mechanical his actions become, and the outsider perceives him to have fallen into a rut.

On the contrary, the bus driver would be doing other things alongwith his mechanical (repetitious) act, thus growing and improving. He may be chatting with the people in his bus, listening to the radio or pondering quietly on his pet topic. His work will give him a sense of satisfaction, generating peace and contentment, thus bringing him closer to God.

To the skeptics, I'll put it this way: Why do people take long drives along country roads for no apparent reason? They do it to clear their minds, feel more at peace with themselves. They do it because they feel more in tune with themselves, and with God.

A blacksmith forges iron on his anvil by repeatedly beating it with his hammer. The process is called tempering. To the untrained eye, it will appear as though he his repeating the same blows over and over again. Ask the blacksmith. He will tell you that each and every blow is unique, that the speed and strength of the blow keeps varying. The blacksmith is in-tune with the metal, he has perfected his skills to such an extent that he intuitively knows how much force he needs to employ. Every successful blacksmith would have learnt by breaking many work pieces, till he learnt how to do it right. Repetition enhances their skills. For one who enjoys his work, the work itself will generate contentment. The blacksmith will thus be in a plane in which he is in perfect harmony with himself, and in harmony with God.

A chant or a mantra is repeated several times. All religions have some sort of sacred words that are repeated, either verbally or in writing. The repetition of these words is a type of bhakti, or a staunch devotion to God. The repetition here is a direct way to reach God.

Why repetition? Why should it be a means? In a world where change is the only constant, is there any room for repetition?

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When we repeat an action, we become better at it. After many repetitions, we will find our attitude towards that action changing. Repetition brings change. Imagine the first time you read your favourite book. Then, when you read it the second time, you would have discovered some new aspect that you missed the first time. The third reading may produce some more changes in your viewpoint of that book. Some movie buffs can watch a movie a lot of times without feeling bored. Why? Each time they watch it, they view it differently. They enjoy the experience.

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If your mind is always occupied with something new, the mind will respond to the challenge by concentrating more on the task at hand till it is completed. Then, the mind switches to focussing on another new task. There is no room for contentment while working. Work will always be a challenge, fill you with energy or motivate you, will occupy your mind and leave no space for contentment to creep in.

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Repetitious actions such as gardening, doing the house work or even taking a bath may provide the contentment. This is why people choose an activity they love to relax after a challenging day at work. Even though they thrive on challenge, they need something to relax, feel contended and at peace.

Imported Content

Update on 04-Jun-09: I lost this person whom I called my friend back then. But rather than take out this blog entry, I'll just let it remain as an anonymous person's wonderful poems.

ALL I WANT

You don't have to buy me roses,
No boxes of chocolates,
No, you don't need to buy me gifts
All I really want
Is for you to-

Be there for me when I am crying in the night,
Hold me close, tell me it will be alright,
Hold my hand when we're walking down the street,
Whisper in my ears, secrets only meant for me,
Kiss me gently, make me melt right in your arms,
Protect me and treasure me, and say
That you love me, thats all I want.

You don't have to leave all your friends
Don't have to leave the things
That you love to do,
All I really want
Is for you to-

Keep me warm when its raining outside,
Call me late at night, just to tell me good night,
Introduce me to your friends, be proud of me,
Whisper in my ears, secrets only meant for me,
Kiss me gently, make me melt right in your arms,
Protect me and treasure me, and say
That you love me, thats all I want.

I don't expect much from you,
Just show me that you'll care, that
You'll cherish me and treat me right,
'Cos all I want from you, is love.

So be there for me when I'm crying in the night,
Hold me close, tell me it will be alright,
Keep me warm when it's raining outside,
Call me late at night, just to tell me good night,
Hold my hand when we're walking down the street,
Introduce me to your friends, be proud of me,
Whisper in my ears, secrets only meant for me,
Kiss me gently and make me melt right in your arms,
Protect me and treasure me, and say
That you love me, thats all I want.

Oh, be there for me, hold me close
Keep me warm, just tell me it will be alright,
'Cos all I really want, is to hear those three words,
And I'll give you my life and my everything,
'Cos all I really want is for you to say
That you love me.

And she thought I should be a critic for it. That's like asking also-rans to criticise the winners.

Here's another one:

HEAD OVER HEELS

There you go again,
With that secretive smile of yours,
You tell me its nothing,
Shake your head and turn away.

My heart skips a beat,
No I can't seem to breathe,
Look what you're doing to me,
I can't even think
My head is back in the clouds again,
And I'm floating in my dreamworld.
Boy you make me crazy about you,
You got me fallin' head over heels for you.

There you go again,
Stealin' looks when you think
I'm not aware
There you go again,
Enjoyin' the effect you have on me,
Makin' me blush and stumble
Whenever you're around.

My heart skips a beat,
No I can't seem to breathe,
Look what you're doing to me,
I can't even speak
My head is back in the clouds again,
You got me floating in my dreamworld again,
Boy you got me goin' crazy about you,
You got me fallin' head over heels for you.

You know how I feel about you,
Everyone knows it, no secret here,
And everytime you look at me,
I know you can feel it too.

There you go again,
My heart skips a beat,
Everytime you hold my hands

There you go again..

My heart skips a beat,
No I can't seem to breathe
Look what you're doing to me,
I can't even sleep
My head is back up in the clouds again,
You got me floating in my dreamworld again,
Boy you got me goin' crazy about you
And you got me fallin'
Fallin' head over heels for you.

*edited on 12-Jun-09*

A Ballad On Love

I wrote a poem recently, after a very long gap. It has actually turned out really well, even if I do say so myself. Here it is:

I love you, girl
I love you
I love you
I love you
I don't know how to tell you this
But I love you.

I want to take you into my arms and kiss you
Whenever we part I want to tell you how much I miss you
I crave to see your raven hair bathed by the twilight sun's rays
I crave to see that angelic smile flit between your sweet lips.

Because I love you girl
I love you
I love you
I love you
I don't know how to tell you this
But I love you so much, my dear.

When I sleep, I hear angels whispering to me in my dreams
Showering their blessings upon me in a heap
In the midst of this paradise I hear your voice calling out to me, softly, softly
I feel your love for me, surreal though this may be.
To sleep, perchance to dream
O! I could live this dream forever.

You know why, girl
Because I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you, girl
And you better know it.

I cannot show you paradise
I cannot offer you sanctuary
I offer you my heart
See how it throbs for you
I need you, girl
Need you by my side
(Ah! Heaven on earth)
I'll take good care of you
Just say yes, say yes... 'cos

I love you, girl
I need you, with me
By my side, always
'Cos I love you, dearly, devoutly
You're the light of my life
The queen of my soul.

Why must I be a fool in love
Why can't I have affairs like everyone else does
How do I let him know that I love him
Without him spurning me at that moment
Oh God, how did I get myself into this mess
Why must I be a fool in love.

Knights of yore, thy tales be told
Resurrect the dormant romance in my man
I yearn for his smile, his touch, his kiss
I could swoon into his arms like damsels of lore.
Alas, romance is dead, and chivalry-
A thing of the past. In these modern times,
I live, a young girl, a romantic fool
Waiting for my knight in shining armour, who
While jousting other knights in the field
In his heart will carry the torch for me.

Where feminism has set in, and women's lib is the thing
I could just go up to him and tell him I love him
But how unladylike that is, not for this young girl waiting to be romanced
If only he would come to me himself.

My, what a nice ballad I've written
If only I could serenade her with it
Oh God, oh joy, what wouldn't I give
To will myself to steer me to sing
Outside her house, by her window.

Thus felt two hearts
Bonded by love
Separated by inhibition
My heart goes out for them
I wish I could help
But I know I can't
Am no Emma Woodhouse, besides
Affairs of the heart are sacred, personal
And in my heart of hearts, I know
That their love will not go unsaid.

I followed the thing to the end
Saw him read Lord Tennyson
In Memoriam-
"I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
Taking courage from these words
He donned his coat and left his house
Whither bound I could guess
To his lady's house, The Rose Petals.

My heart leaped and sung with joy
When I beheld him in a stance
Outside her window on the grass.
Drawing a harmonica from his vest
He rendered her song with tune and flair
Oh what a sweet melodious voice had he
That reverberated through the still, silent night.

And she came to the window and watched, stunned
Her knight in shining armour had come.
Is it fate that blesses me thus
Takes my desire from my cusp
To the lands where hearts talk
How great it is, she thinks aloud.

Now it is time for us to leave
Leave the two together alone.
A short courtship followed this
They walked the aisle as man and wife
The story ends as in fairy tales
And they lived happily ever after.

Saying this grandma closed her book
Kissed my forehead and bade goodnight
I closed my eyes and wondered aloud
What else my grandma had in store
I love my grandma, I thought
As my eyes heavy with sleep closed.

Fin.

I like the way I twisted it, using four narrations.

Emotional Blackmail

I read an article in the Deccan Chronicle on emotional blackmail. The article writer advises people not to lose their identity in the face of emotional blackmail. He wants them to re-assess the relationship and remain firm. I disagree.

There was this bit about student A being emotionally blackmailed by student B. Student B said that unless student A called her regularly, atleast once a day, she could not eat. A ignored B, but soon noticed that B had started to lose weight. This is a straightforward form of emotional blackmail. In such cases, I feel it is better for a person in A’s position to accede to the demands. Afterall, she will be helping a person out. If the demands can be met with ease, and if meeting them brings joy to your friend, then why not? However, as a friend you also have to help the other person get over this obsession. You can’t give in endlessly, only until you make the other person understand and help him/her get over you. It may take time, but what are friends for? Maintain the bond even during such hard times and you will find that the bond of friendship only becomes stronger. If you really care for the other person, you will do it for sure. Don’t get irritated. You may view the other person as an inferior, but realize that your decision affects another human being, one who is capable of feeling emotions.

Sure, there are times when you need to put your foot down and say no. That’s when the demands placed on you are unreasonable, highly tasking, compromises your situation in front of your peers or is plainly not to your liking. Also, if this emotional blackmail continues for a long period without any improvement and with no end in sight, then its time to sever the relationship and look out for numero uno- yourself. If not, you may end up jeopardizing your life.

Giving in to emotional blackmail shows how much you care for that person and how far you are willing to go for that person. A mother fussing over her baby is due to emotional blackmail. The baby likes to be fussed over, and makes the mother fuss over it by crying or throwing tantrums. And the mother obliges the baby out of love. When a mother can give in gracefully for the enjoyment of her child, there is no reason why we, as individuals, can’t give in for the sake of someone who has always been a good friend. Everyone goes through emotional trauma and it’s up to their friends to help them out. That’s what friends are for, to share and share alike in everything.

One more thing, make sure that you are not being intimidated by the blackmailer. Whatever you do, it should be out of your own genuine interest in that person. Teenagers go through an identity crisis, which is why they resort to emotional blackmail. When they are unsure of themselves, they tend to cling on to their friends, in order to discover themselves. This is how emotional blackmail begins. They tend to be obsessed over some people, as they see some qualities in that person which they like and want. However, as they fear that they will lose that person, they become clingy and overly possessive. This can be observed in many relationships, especially with couples who are perfectly happy with each other. I have seen guys transcend from being Mr. Cheerful to down-in-the-dumps in the passage of just one day- reason being that they had no contact with their girlfriend. This dependency can lead to emotional blackmail.

Many emotional blackmailers do not realize that what they are doing is wrong. Emotional blackmail is like pulling your friend down with you on a sinking ship. You can’t bear to live without him/her so you decide to take him/her down with you. That is just plain selfishness. This realization comes first. Acceptance comes next. Your friend can live without you- accept it, live with it.

You are obsessed with something you cannot get. It is in your best interest to break that obsession. All it takes is a little will power and some encouragement. The best way to break out of an obsession is by falling for a new one, a new obsession which will completely divert your mind from the old one, similar to breaking an addiction. Try to get addicted to something harmless, say a new game or a few TV programs.

You could also try to get obsessed over something productive, say sports, academics, books etc. Slowly start incorporating this new obsession in your life and you will find the old one starting to fade off. At one point, you will be completely over it. This is somewhat similar to getting over a break-up. Help from the person you are obsessed over and encouragement from friends quickens the process.

Test yourself to see if you are obsessed with something. You may feel that the obsession is beneficial, but you still need to recognize and accept your obsession. If you are unsure whether you are obsessed or not, try staying away from the subject in question for a sufficient period of time and evaluate the results. And above all, do some introspection. It is necessary in order to realize your latent talents and discover deep-rooted or well-hidden emotions.

I wrote this article when I was a few years younger. I admire the clarity of thought I had then. Now, I hardly ever write a few words. This should motivate me to set new expectations for myself.